Inverse Operations
by Samantha J. Brown
Summary: AU part of my Inverse Operations verse based off of the Proverb Verse by acidquill. The series rewritten with Dean as the younger brother and Sam as the four years older brother.
1. Pilot

I read the Proverb Verse and couldn't resist. Credit for the idea goes to acidquill who wrote the Proverb Verse. I take credit for my writing though.

Supernatural isn't mine.

**Inverse Operations: Pilot**

When Sam was four years old he was overjoyed to meet his baby brother. His name was Dean. When their mother, Mary Winchester, burned over Dean's crib on the night of his 6 month old birthday the brothers, along with their father John, left Lawrence Kansas for a life on the road hunting ghost, demons, and all things that go bump in the night. Sam grew up looking after his little brother, it was his job. But he also loved school. And as he grew up he and his father were constantly at each other's throats arguing about Sam and Dean's schooling. Sam though he and Dean should spend more time working on their schooling, while their father thought their time was better spent training and hunting. Sam refused to hunt until he was 13, but while Sam was at a camp when he was 14 and Dean was 10, Dean was pulled into his first hunt, a ghost a simple salt n' burn their father said. Sam was furious. From then on he denied their father at every turn, and poor Dean was caught in the middle, always trying to play peacemaker between his older brother and their father. Finally when Sam was 19 he left the Winchester household to move to Palo Alto with a full ride to Stanford. It had been three years since he saw his brother or his father when he finally saw Dean again.

Halloween night 2005 the last thing Sam Winchester expected to see was his little brother Dean standing in his kitchen asking for a beer. Sam was still staring at his brother in shock when Jessica walked in and turned on the light.

"Sam, what's going on?" Sam turned around to see Jessica standing in the doorway staring groggy eyed and him and Dean.

"Jess, hey. Uh, this is Dean." Sam said, gesturing vaguely to Dean.

"Your brother Dean?"

"Yeah."

"I love the Smurf's." Dean said, cocky grin snugly in place on his young face. Sam rolled his eyes.

"Dean, what are you doing here?" He asked, his annoyance level climbing. Sure he was overjoyed to see his brother, but he was sure Dean could have done this in the daylight, and Sam really just wanted to sleep.

He missed the hurt look on Dean's face completely by accident.

"Jessica, if you'd please excuse us, I've got to talk to my brother about some urgent family business." At least Dean was remembering his manners.

"No, whatever you've got to say you can say in front of Jess." Sam said, moving to stand next to his girlfriend. Dean sighed, but didn't argue.

"Dad's on a hunting trip, and he hasn't been home in a few days."

"Jess would you please excuse us."

Well Sam sure as hell wasn't expecting that.

SPN

Dean led Sam outside, Sam arguing with him the whole way about their life hunting. When they finally got to the car Sam had to fight not to smile. This car was his home; the only odd thing about it was the arsenal in the trunk and the fact that Dean had driven it here.

"Dad gave you the car?"

"Yeah, for my sixteenth birthday." Sam felt a pang of guilt. His brother's sixteenth birthday had come and gone and he hadn't even called him. So had his seventeenth, and his eighteenth. Dammit. Dean's eighteenth birthday had come and gone and Sam hadn't called him. He vaguely remembered his phone ringing late that night while he'd been studying with an unknown caller ID. He was sure now that that had been Dean. He adopted a guilty expression and was about to apologize when Dean opened the trunk and Sam's guilt was replaced by anger at the sight of the arsenal in the trunk.

"Dad's last case was in Jericho, sent me a tape, it's in here somewhere." Dean started sifting through the weapons with a precision that made Sam mildly annoyed.

"Where were you?" Dean looked up.

"What?"

"Dad was alone, so where were you." Sam hoped to God that Dean would say something like 'Oh Sammy, I was just at school studying like a good little boy. You silly goose!'

"Had my own gig. This voodoo thing in New Orleans." Of course he really shouldn't count on Dean saying silly goose.

"Alone?" Sam really, really hoped he'd say Caleb or Bobby or somebody was with him, because Sam sure as hell hadn't been on solo hunts when he was 18.

"Yeah, why?" Sam tried to put a lid on his anger.

"Dad let you hunt alone?"

"I'm 18 dude." Well there goes that lid idea.

"Seriously Dean?! You're 18! You know what most 18 year olds are doing? Going to college! Or getting a job! They aren't doing solo jobs hunting some voodoo bitch in New Orleans 'cause their control freak father is on the other side of the freaking country and can't bothered to be with them!" Immediately Sam regretted the words. The wounded look on Dean's face was bad, but it was nothing compared to the weary defeated look he'd already had on that Sam just noticed.

"I don't want to fight you on this Sammy. Can we just get back to the case?" For the first time Sam actually looked at his brother. Well and truly looked. And he looked… skinnier. His clothes built his bulk which was why Sam hadn't noticed, but he realized now. Dean was thin, his eyes were hollow and the dark circles under them suggested little sleep. He looked half-starved and dead tired, but he'd still managed to look so _Dean_ that Sam hadn't even noticed. But now that he had, he was angry. If this was how their father treated his brother, his just became a legal adult not even a year ago, and isn't even able to legally drink yet, little brother then Sam had some words for John Winchester. Short, sweet, and viciously colorful words.

"When was the last time you slept?" Dean avoided his eyes.

"I'm fine Sam."

"Dean."

"Sam."

"Dean, when?" Sam grabbed his brother's shoulders and forced Dean to face him. Dean looked down.

"Couple days." He said so quietly Sam almost didn't hear it.

"What?"

"I said a couple days Sam. It's no big deal, here I found the tape." Dean shoved the tape in his hand, but still would not look at him. Sam fumed. A couple of days? Dean was barely an adult; he still needed sleep more than Sam or their father did. Sam had the urge once again to punch John Winchester in the face. But he bit back a retort and took the tape. They listened to it and Sam went back inside to go get his things. He soothed Jess's concern, by throwing her some bull story about a Jack a Jim and a Jose. He was sure she didn't believe him. It didn't matter at the moment though; he'd talk to her about it when he got back.

When he got back to the car Dean was waiting in the driver's seat. Sam opened the door and poked his head in.

"Scoot."

"Oh come on Sam!"

"Dean, you're tired, and I'm not letting you drive me anywhere." Sam said with a voice that clearly stated end of discussion. Dean grumbled something about mother henning bitch and Sam smirked then replied.

"Jerk."

Dean slid over to the passenger side and put his head up against the cold window, his eyes sliding shut. Sam frowned. He took off his jacket and shoved it in Dean's lap then started the car.

"Put that behind your head." Dean rolled his eyes but did as he was told. He was out in less than five minutes.

SPN

The road was long dark and empty. The sky was black and the stars were nonexistent. The only thing that gave Sam any indication of where he was, was the full moon and the Impala's headlights. They'd been driving for a good two and a half hours. In that time Sam had allowed himself the luxury of glancing over at his little brother several dozen times. Dean looked small. Smaller then Sam remembered. His blond hair was also darker then Sam remembered. And boy did Sam remember the blonde hair. When Dean was little he was so blonde Sam didn't think it was possible to be that blonde. As Dean got older it darkened, but never really lost its blonde hue. Now as Sam looked over his brother he noticed that his hair was a darker blonde, borderline brown but not quite. There was also the ever prominent splash of freckles across his face that made women weak in the knees.

Looking at Dean sleeping was like looking at his brother 5 years ago. Small, young, innocent, vulnerable. Sam had to choke back guilt. No matter how capable Dean was he was also Sam's responsibility, and Sam had neglected that responsibility for the past 3 years. The more he thought about it the guiltier he got. That was three Christmas's, three birthday's just ignored, oh, and a High School graduation. Sam swallowed hard. What had Dean's eighteenth birthday been like? Had he gotten any presents? Card? Probably not many, if any. Maybe a call from Bobby? Had Dean gotten a cake? A gruff 'happy birthday son' from their father? Sam sure as hell hoped so. He thought about Dean's high school graduation. His brother had finally finished high school. Sam remembered his well. Dean had been sitting there, front row, their dad had been late, but Dean had been there. It had taken Sam an extra year, and he'd been pissed, but he'd done it, and almost the next day he'd taken off. He remembered that well too.

It had been a dark and stormy night, no seriously. The sky had been pitch black, no moon, no stars, no nothing, except the viciously loud and aggravating storm that had not contributed to anyone's mood. A 15 year old Dean had actually been slightly unnerved by the booming thunder and brilliant flashes of white light. It had been the night Sam had decided to tell everyone about Stanford. Well, more like Dean had found the letter in his jacket after Sam had asked him to grab his diploma from it. Dean had come back with the letter and asked Sam with the biggest most innocent green eyes what it was. Sam's heart had clenched tight as he'd looked into his younger brother's wide eyes, trying desperately to understand what was going on. Sam had immediately spilled his guts. He'd told Dean about the application, about the acceptance letter, and about the scholarship. A full ride, Dean had been impressed. He'd also looked slightly hurt. And the first things to come out of Dean's mouth after 'congratulations Sammy', had been,

"So I guess that means you're leaving me with Dad?"

Sam wanted desperately to shut his eyes against the memory of Dean's wide jade eyes offering up their last hope, last loose end, last strand of innocence. Because they both knew what would happen if Sam wasn't around to help Dean with school and their dad.

"Yeah kiddo. I'm sorry Dean, but, I-I have to." Dean had merely nodded, offering up no opposing argument. Nothing, just blind acceptance, just as he'd been trained.

The eyes aren't the windows to the soul, they are the doors. Sam knew because in that moment Dean's doors had shut and locked, kicking his big brother out for good.

What happened next however was almost worse. Someone cleared their throat, and both boys had looked up to see John Winchester standing in the doorway, arms crossed, eyes set and dangerous, body tense.

The shouting match that followed had been mind-blowing, even by Winchester standards. Sam and John had whipped out insults faster than the speed of light. They'd said things ranging from, you bastard, to you're the worst father/son that ever existed. Dean had been thrown into the mix, desperately trying to keep Sam and John apart. Sam didn't remember seeing much other than red and his father's angry face, but he did get glimpses of Dean's anguished torn expression, trying to decide who to side with. Sam vaguely recalled blood on somebody's knuckles but he couldn't remember whose or whose blood it was. The only thing about that night that really stuck out in his memory was being shoved into the door and his father shouting,

"If you walk out that door, don't you ever come back!"

And he'd walked out the door.

And he'd never gone back.

SPN

After two more hours of driving Sam decided he was hungry and needed to pee. It was coming up on 7am and he figured Dean would need food too. Sam stole a glance at his sleeping brother. Dean had been out the entire ride, and still was. Sam had the sickening sense that the couple days were more like a couple of weeks with a few hours grabbed in between. If Sam knew anything about his brother it was that kid was loyal to a fault, and would not have spent any hours asleep that could be spent finding their father asleep unless absolutely necessary. Meaning staying awake until he was borderline catatonic.

Sam sighed as he pulled into a roadside diner, and gently shook Dean awake. Dean shot up in an instant, pressing himself against the door, his body tense and defensive.

"Whoa, buddy, it's just me." Sam soothed. Realization hit and Dean's body immediately relaxed. He rubbed his eyes groggily with fisted hands, and Sam had to reign in a pitying look. He looked so young when he did that. Definitely not like the 18 year old he was. Which, for all intents and purposes, was still young in Sam's eyes.

"C'mon Dean, breakfast." Dean yawned and nodded. He got out of the car and stretched luxuriously. Sam had the feeling it was the best sleep Dean had had in days, hell, if he was right, weeks.

They walked into the diner and a bulky man with cold steel colored pissed off eyes lead them to their table. He practically threw the menus at them after Dean muttered something about someone not being able to do anything about their morning wood. Sam shot his brother a glare, but there wasn't any heart in it. It felt too good to have his little brother's 5th grade humor back.

Their waitress was a different type of person completely.

Though Dean was originally annoyed with the fact that she wasn't his age and hot, the motherly type had always been just as good, if not better, for the boys. Especially after a long drive. They were always kind, and didn't hesitate to slip big-eyed freckle-faced Dean an extra slice of pie, or puppy-eyed big-dimpled Sammy a second helping of eggs.

This particular waitress was big and round with permanent laugh lines and rosy cheeks. Her nametag named her Margarie and the twang in her voice housed her somewhere south. Much more south than Jericho, which they were only a few hours from.

"What can I get ya boys?"

"Coffee please, and an egg-white omelet." Sam ordered first without looking at the menu. These roadside places always had the same things.

"Coffee for me too, black. And, uh, pancakes with side of bacon please." Sam looked up. While the circles under Dean's eyes had gotten smaller, they were still there.

"'Course hon. Now you boys wait right here. I'll be back with your drinks in a second." She flashed them a warm smile, then walked off. Dean rubbed his eyes again and yawned. Sam frowned.

"Be right back." Dean said as he started to get up. Sam held him back with a hand on his arm.

"Where're you going?" Dean gave him an odd look.

"You're concern is touching Samantha, but I need to take a leak. I'll be back in a second." Sam let Dean go, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment. Hey, he hadn't seen his brother in three years and he was worried about him. So sue him.

When Dean came back the waitress came back with their coffee. She made a big fuss about Dean being too young to need black coffee, and about Sam making sure he put some sugar and cream in it. Only after Sam promised to put exactly one cream and two sugars ('cause this sweet young thing just needs some extra sugar) did she walk off, leaving the brothers with smiles plastered to their faces, even if Sam's was slightly strained and Dean's was worn.

Dean however had elected to ignore Margarie's advice, and Sam could only roll his eyes as he loaded his own with cream and sugar. Sam also decided to ignore Dean's cough which sounded suspiciously like he was saying girl.

"So, how've you been?" Sam asked casually, taking a sip of his coffee nonchalantly. Dean quirked a suspicious eyebrow at him but Sam just shrugged innocently.

"Fine." Dean answered with one syllable of emotionless nothing. Boy did that get on Sam's nerves, but he shoved down his rising annoyance because God only knew a Sam Winchester explosion would only succeed in getting nothing from Dean.

"Wanna elaborate?"

"Not really."

Sam sighed, and resisted the urge to pull a patented Sam Winchester bitch face.

"Dean."

"What?"

"How have you been? What's been going on? How was your eighteenth birthday? Or your High School graduation for God's sake?" Dean averted his eyes and mumbled something inaudible.

"What?"

"I said I didn't graduate." Sam froze.

"What do you mean you didn't graduate?"

"What do you think I meant Sam? I got my GED and dropped outta high school." Dean's eyes were stone cold and Sam felt guilt grip his heart. He knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that if he'd stayed Dean would be a high school graduate right now. But he hadn't. And now Dean was a high school drop out.

"Dean, why didn't you graduate?" Dean hesitated, and seemed to suddenly find his coffee extremely fascinating.

"Dean." Sam's voice was a warning.

"Dad didn't-" Sam didn't let him finish.

"Dad! Dad didn't let you finish high school?! What? Was your education getting in the way of your ability to kill things?!" Sam hissed, trying to keep his voice from alerting the whole diner.

Dean opened his mouth to say something, but Sam cut him off.

"Don't you dare vouch for him Dean! This was high school! This is the one thing that everyone needs! An education!" Dean's eyes were glued to his coffee.

"Sam… it wasn't like it was completely his decision." Sam huffed out a laugh.

"What? You wanted to be some dumbass drop out with six bucks to his name?! Or were you just too freaking brainwashed to think anything was more important that Dad's fucking suicide mission?!" The look on Dean's face was one of pure hurt, but Sam couldn't find it in himself to care, he was too angry.

"Dammit Dean! You should have fought him on that! That's your freaking education! Why the hell did you let him make you do that?!" Dean's doors shut once more and Sam was reminded sickeningly of that night 3 years ago.

"It was my choice Sam. You were gone. Dad needed back up. School was only getting in the way. I got my GED and I got the hell out. Whatever the hell was so fucking important that I hadn't learned it yet I obviously didn't need since I'm still living and breathing. Whatever you have to say about that, I don't want to hear it. And if you even cared about my graduation, you would have called." Dean snapped. Sam was taken aback. He felt a horrible, gut wrenching guilt eat away at him. Dean was diploma less (ironic since in a way Sam's diploma was the whole reason Sam was gone in the first place), and now that Sam looked, a little heart broken.

"And just so you know, I'm not stupid or brainwashed." Dean added in a small voice. Sam swallowed hard. Had he really said that? He didn't remember saying that. Damn Winchester rage. It was that stupid big red button in the back of the room under the glass case you weren't supposed to touch but did anyway.

Sam was about to say something when Margarie came back. She had both their plates and a smile on her face, which dropped right off at the sight of Dean's anguished look, and Sam's one part horrified, three parts guilty expression.

"Here you are boys. Pancakes and bacon for you honey, and an egg white omelet for you sugar." Dean waited until she was gone before practically inhaling his food while Sam tentatively ate his piece by piece. He didn't call Dean out on his eating habits since he knew exactly why they were there. Dean didn't look half-starved for nothing. When he was finally done Sam was barely half finished.

"Hurry up Sam. I'm waitin' in the car."

"Dean…"

"Don't Sam. I'm fine." It was curt and to the point. The point being Dean didn't want to talk about this, ever again. Well Sam was just not going to stand for that, but he'd pester Dean after he finished his omelet.

After Sam paid and was about to take off, Margarie stopped him.

"Watch out for that brother of yours. He looks like he needs a friend right about now." Sam nodded, and promised to look out for Dean. He used to think it was pointless; promising to look after Dean considering it was his job. But apparently there was a point, because Sam had been ignoring that job for three years and now he was losing Dean.

SPN

When they finally got back on the road Dean insisted on driving. He still looked tired, and Sam would have preferred he got another few hours of sleep, but Dean wasn't having any of it. Something about not wanting Sam to crash his baby. When Sam got in the passenger side he realized how strange it was sitting there with Dean at the wheel. Usually it was him or their dad driving, almost never Dean. Being behind the wheel of the Impala obviously relaxed him as Sam could physically see the tension melting out of Dean as he turned on the ignition. Sadly with his little brother in the front seat all hopes of any conversation Sam had wanted to have were cut off by the sudden burst of Led Zeppelin blaring through the speakers as high as Dean could get it without bursting an eardrum.

_For now I smell the rain, and with it the pain, and it's headed my way_

_Sometimes I grow so tired, but I know I've got one thing I got to do_

_Ramble on_

Sam gave Dean a curious look. Dean had never really been in control of the music when their dad was driving, or when Sam was for that matter, though it had never really been a problem when their dad was driving since he and Dean liked the same types of music. But Sam was curious as to why this song. He turned down the radio and Dean shot him an annoyed look.

"Why Ramble On?" Sam asked.

"Favorite song." Dean replied stoically. Sam shut up as Dean turned the music back up. How did he not know that? How did he not know his own little brother's favorite song? When Sam thought about it he realized just how much of Dean's life he'd missed. Sure it had only been three years, but it had been three important years. When he'd left Dean had been 15, and about to start sophomore year. He'd missed Dean's entire high school life. Who knew what his brother had been doing. Sam remembered the trouble makers at his various high schools were usually into getting drunk and high. Was that what Dean had done? Sam glanced at Dean with renewed concern.

SPN

Sam's thoughts had continued to pester him all the way to Jericho. After pulling out an array of fake ID's Sam was sad to see Dean had and pestering the cops they staked out the night and waited for the ghost of 'kill guys in their cars in the middle of a bridge 'cause that's real conspicuous' to make a return trip. While they were there Sam decided to apologize to Dean.

"Dean, look kid-"

"I'm not a kid anymore Sam."

"Right. Uh, look Dean, I'm sorry about what I said man. I was mad at Dad. I didn't mean it. You're not brainwashed, and you're sure as hell not dumb." Dean just looked at him with those wounded eyes and replied with a simple, "It's fine."

Sam sighed.

"No Dean, it's not. Look I'm sorry I said-" Sam was shocked when Dean shoved him up against the side of the bridge.

"I don't care about what you said Sam! You think I don't hear that all the time?! Why can't you be smart like Sammy Dean? Or damn kid, why do you have to be so stupid. I don't care about that anymore Sam! I get it already! I'm mad because…" He trailed off and shoved Sam away, and it broke Sam's heart. What the hell did he mean he got it? Did he think he was actually stupid? And if that wasn't why he was mad, then why the hell was he?

Sam started to say something when he was blinded by headlights. He squinted his eyes against the light, and glared ahead of him, whoever thought pissing him off right now was a good idea was a fucking moron.

It took him a second to realize the car in front of them was the Impala.

It took another second for him to realize that if the lights were on and neither of them were driving it, then someone else was.

"Who the hell's driving the Impala?" Sam asked. His stomach did summer salts when Dean held up the keys.

When the Impala started toward them Sam shoved Dean ahead of him and shouted,

"Run!"

The brothers took off sprinting down the bridge, and jumped for the edge. Well Sam jumped for the edge; Sam was horrified to see Dean jumped right over it.

Sam clung to the side of the bridge while the Impala came to a screeching halt right in front of him. Sam immediately turned to look down into the river, where he couldn't see Dean.

"Dean?! Dean you okay?!" Sam shouted over the edge. He laughed in relief when he saw a mud clad Dean crawl out of the river and give him a thumbs up.

"I'm super." He called back, his voice breathy and sounded painful. He was going to be bruised tomorrow. Of that Sam was sure.

"Hang on Dean, I'm coming to get you!" Sam crawled to the other side of the bridge, got in the Impala and drove to the end they'd come from before getting out and practically sprinting down the ravine toward Dean.

Sam knelt beside a groaning Dean, and pulled his brother's head into his lap. Dean shoved him away with another groan.

"Jeeze Samantha, I'm fine." Sam started checking Dean over, making sure there wasn't any blood mixed with the mud covering him.

"Hold still jerk, I need to check you."

"Mother henning bitch." Sam quirked a smile. Yeah, Dean was ganna fine.

SPN

At the first motel they stopped at Dean gave the guy at the counter a credit card with the name Bridaframien on it.

"You guys havin' a family reunion or somethin'?"

"'Scuse me?" Dean asked.

"Another guy, Bridaframien, bought out a room for the whole month." Dean shot Sam a look. Sam held his breath, if John Winchester was in this motel the first thing he was going to do was hug him. Then he was going to punch him in the face. Then he was going to yell at and beat the shit out of him. Yeah, that sounded like a good plan.

"What room?" Sam asked.

"14." The guy at the desk said.

"Thanks." Dean snatched the credit card back and shot out the door. Sam followed, hot on his heels. By the time Sam got to the room Dean was already on his knees picking the lock. Sam arrived just in time to hear the lock click. Dean stood on shaky legs, and Sam put his hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean looked back at him with those damn wounded eyes and pushed the door open to find…

No one.

The room was empty of all life.

The evidence that John Winchester had been there was vomited all over the room. Pictures, maps, string connecting maps, markers, all kinds of wards and protection charms and symbols spread out all over the place. Dean walked in first and turned on the lamp illuminating an unmade bed and a half eaten burger. Dean picked up the burger, sniffed it, and set it back down. When he turned around his face was impassive.

"Hasn't been here in a couple of days at least. Ass probably got himself kidnapped." There was hurt written all over Dean's face. Sam had a sneaking suspicion he knew why.

"Dean, how long have you and Dad been out of contact?" Sam asked, his voice even. Dean looked at the burger before saying,

"Three weeks."

Sam had to try really hard not to punch the wall.

Three weeks.

Three goddamn weeks their father had let Dean worry.

And he'd been here up until a few days ago. Probably was still here.

He'd purposely ignored Dean for three motherfucking weeks.

Oh Sam was more than ready to strangle their father. No questions asked.

Sam wanted more than anything to pull his little brother into a bone crushing hug, but God knew how well that was going to go over.

"Dean…" Dean shook his head.

"No, it's all right. I'm ganna go take a shower." Dean disappeared into the bathroom without a sound, and Sam immediately heard the shower going. Sam sat down on the bed and looked around the room. It looked like their dad had done all the work for them on this one. Sam wanted to be happy about the fact that this hunt wasn't going to last very long and then he could get back to Jessica, but all he could think about was Dean. He knew there was no way Dean was going to leave the life, and he also knew there was no way he was going to stop looking for their father. But Sam couldn't help but worry about his little brother. Dean had no one, not even their dad anymore. Sam sighed and lay back on the bed. It smelled like cheap motel, leather and gun oil. Otherwise known as John Winchester. Everything in this room reminded Sam of him; it also reminded him of everything John had done. Like leaving them in motel rooms for weeks on end with little food and less money. _But he tried._ That was how Dean excused his every move. Sam realized that that probably came from the fact that Dean never knew another way to live other than under John Winchester's tyranny. Sam sighed. He should have tried harder to get Dean out of their life when he left.

SPN

When Dean was out of the shower they made short work of figuring out what John had left for them. Then Dean went out to get food, and he didn't come back. When Sam got the call that police spotted him his first instinct was _get Dean out now_. He second was _dammit Dean_. Instead he just faked a 911 call and waited for Dean to call him from their room or a payphone.

"Fake 911 call Sammy, I don't know that's pretty illegal." Sam just rolled his eyes. He barely noticed the fact that Dean had called him Sammy for the first time since they'd seen each other again.

"He left." It was so quiet Sam almost didn't hear it.

"What?"

"Dad Sam. He left Jericho." Sam swallowed hard. Their father had left. Again. And he was sure it was taking its' toll on Dean. The kid was barely old enough to legally live on his own, or have a driver's license for that matter. He couldn't even drink legally yet and his only family left had just up and left him again. Sam steeled himself. There was no way in hell he was leaving Dean behind again. It was NOT happening. Not this time.

"How do you know?" Sam asked.

"I've got his journal Sam. It's got my name in it, and coordinates. I think he left it for me. I think he's giving me a job Sammy." Sammy again. Dean was freaking out. Sam wanted desperately to just give the kid a hug. Too bad phones don't work that way.

"It's all right Dean. We'll find him. Look kiddo I'm coming back your way, just talked to the husband."

"'m not a kid Sam." It was Dean trying to hide his emotions again. Dammit if Sam didn't know where he got _that _particular personality trait.

"Whatever, still coming back aroun- shit!" Sam slammed down on the breaks as some woman appeared in front of him.

"Sam? Sam! Sammy!"

"Take me home." The woman in the backseat was most definitely Constance aka I drowned my kids and jumped off a bridge girl. And she was most definitely pissed.

The car started on its own and drove itself to Constance's house. Sam figured it out the minute the Impala stopped. She was scared to go home. Her ghost was afraid of her house. Probably because it was where she'd drowned her kids. Real mother of the year.

Her ghost sat on Sam and kissed him. Then started digging her fingers into his chest to try and kill him. Sam screamed in pain, but was shocked to hear bullets firing, causing the ghost to glitch in and out of existence.

"Sam!" It was Dean.

"I'm taking you home." Sam grunted and slammed on the gas, causing the Impala to lurch foreword and crash right through the porch and into the house.

"SAM!" He could hear Dean shouting as he ran up to the car. Suddenly Dean's face was there, on the passenger's side, wrenching the door open.

"Sam you okay? Can you walk?" He asked, his eyes wide and worried.

"Yeah, fine. Help me." Dean helped him out of the car and together they stood. Constance shoved an old dresser up against them so they had front row seats to the screaming ghost roast as her kid's ghost's got their revenge on their loony toon of a mother.

When Sam and Dean got the dresser off of themselves Sam walked over to the spot on the floor Constance's ghost had died on.

"She could never go home." Sam mused. "Oh and what were you thinking shooting Casper in the face you moron?" Sam asked his tone light and teasing. Dean just rolled his eyes.

"Saved your ass. And I'll tell you what, if you screwed up my car, I'm ganna kick your ass." Sam just laughed. Dean's car. Dean's Impala It sounded right. And it looked right too. The memory of the tension literally melting off of Dean as he got in the driver's seat, turned on the ignition, and blasted his favorite song through the speakers was burned into Sam's mind, right where he wanted it. Dean had never looked more at home.

"C'mon you jerk, let's get back on the road and put Jericho in the rearview mirror." Dean grinned.

"Oh I am all for it bitch."

SPN

Dean was once again in the front seat, having blatantly denied needing any more sleep, and this time Sam had held his tongue.

"Looks like they coordinates lead somewhere called Black Water Ridge."

"Great, sounds like a hell of a town. How far?" Dean asked, taking a peak at the map Sam had spread out in front of himself.

"About 600 miles." Dean nodded.

"Bet we can make it by morning if we shag ass." Sam would never hate himself more than he did in that moment. He stared right into those big wounded green eyes and said,

"Dean I can't." Any trace of hope that had been on Dean's face slipped right off.

"Right, law school. Good for you Sam." It wasn't sarcastic. It was sincere. It made it that much worse.

"Dean you know you can stay with me and Jess." Dean shook his head and adopted a sad smile.

"Can't do that Sam. I'm 18. Movin' out age. Gatta do my own stuff now. 'sides, Dad gave me a job, and I still gatta find him. Can't just leave him." Sam looked down, guilt and anger warring inside of him for control. He was guilty yeah, but he was angry at their dad more for putting this on Dean. For making him into a perfect little solider.

"You know you don't have to be Dad's errand boy. You can do whatever you want Dean." Dean looked him dead in the eye and said,

"This is what I want Sam. I want to help people. I want to save people. I don't care about a job and a white picket fence with two and a half kids and working from 5 to 9 every day. That isn't what I want Sam, and you can't make me want it." He then proceeded to play the entire Led Zeppelin Mothership tape as loud as he could get it without looking at Sam. Sam just stared at the map and didn't say anything. What could he say to that? It was air tight. The life he wanted and the life Dean wanted were different. No way around that. And for once in his life Dean wasn't following Sam around like a lost puppy, and he wasn't exactly following their dad either. He was saving people, hunting things, taking up the family business. He was doing what he loved and what he needed to do. How could Sam argue with that?

SPN

When they got back to the apartment Sam insisted on Dean going inside.

"You need sleep, and it's going to be better on my couch than at any motel room you can find." It had sickened him to even say it. He was Dean's older brother. He should have been looking out for the kid. But what was he doing? Shipping him off to God knew where, and he wouldn't see him again until God knew when. He wanted to see Dean off properly, and that meant not saying see ya never at 2am.

Sam smiled when Dean passed out after hitting the couch. Poor kid needed to sleep more.

"Jess we're home!" Sam shouted - no answer. Though he found that worrying, he was too caught up in his own thoughts to take much notice.

Suddenly Sam felt something drip onto his forehead. He opened his eyes and looked up, and knew in that moment that his life was over. Jessica was on the ceiling, a bloody slash across her stomach, her eyes wide and terrified, blonde hair spread around her head like a twisted halo. Her mouth was open in a silent never ending scream.

"NO! JESS!" Sam roared as fire spread out around her, clouding her from view. Sam wasn't sure how he got off the bed, but the next thing he knew he was being dragged out of the apartment by Dean. His little brother was giving it his all to get Sam out of there, Sam kept trying to go back, but Dean just kept pulling him along shouting, "Dammit Sammy, no!"

All Sam could do was stare and try desperately to get back to her. She was still in there. He could still save her. He had to save her. He needed to save her.

SPN

The next few days passed in a haze. Dean took Sam to a motel and took care of him. He brought him food and water, and made him sleep, and Sam just shouted at him to get the fuck out and to go deal with his own life. But still Dean stayed, woke Sam up from vicious nightmares, helped him, the whole nine.

Sam on the other hand was practically catatonic. Going through the motions, not able to wrap his head around the fact that his girlfriend, the girl he loved, the girl he was going to marry, was dead. Gone. _Burned on the ceiling. _It only took thinking about it one time before Sam was getting flash backs to that night. To when their dad thrust baby Dean into his arms and shouted at him to get out of the house.

When the funeral came around Dean got Sam in a suit and they went. Sam shook hands, and nodded, and once again went through the motions. He talked to his friends, to the Moore's, told them he would be going on a road trip for a while with his brother, and wouldn't be able to be contacted. It was only when Mr. Moore looked at him and said, "Speaking of your brother, he's looking a little run down, you might wanna watch out for him. Looks like he needs a friend." Sam's mind shot back to the waitress in the diner outside Jericho. Round little Margarie with the rosy cheeks and the motherly smile, making him promise to watch out for Dean because he looked like he needed a friend, and Sam had promised, and once again it had slipped his mind.

Sam looked around for Dean only to find him sitting in a metal chair, successfully avoiding everyone. He was sitting there staring at his hands, looking for all the word ten years younger than he actually was. Sam walked up to him, and put his hands on Dean's. When Dean looked up Sam was shocked to see how brilliantly green Dean's eyes were. He was also shocked to see the return of the bags, and though he filled out the suit that Sam had no idea how he got, Dean still looked pretty thin. Sam was willing to bet Dean had spent all of his time looking after him, and none of it looking after himself.

"C'mon Dean, let's go." Dean stood up and Sam hugged him, and was shocked to realize Dean hugged back.

When he let go Sam said goodbye to all of his friends and to Jessica's family, hoping for all the world he would be able to come back, despite the dreadful feeling growing in the pit of his stomach, and with it the thought that he was leaving this life behind for good.

SPN

As they drove out of Palo Alto headed straight for Black Water Ridge Sam suddenly remembered something. He turned to Dean, who had insisted once again on driving because Sam was emotionally compromised and would probably crash his baby, and started to talk.

"Remember on the bridge in Jericho, before the Impala went all Nightrider on us?" Sam asked. Dean visibly tensed.

"Yeah, what about it?"

"What were you going to say?" Sam asked.

"Huh?"

"You said you weren't mad at me because of what I'd said, you were mad about something else." Though Sam planned on drilling it into Dean's head that he was in no way even remotely stupid, he needed to get this out of the way first.

"Nothing Sam, it was nothing."

"Dean, tell me. It's bothering you, I can tell. Just tell me what it is." Dean sighed. His gaze flickered toward the radio, before locking back onto the dark ominous road.

"I'm mad because you never called Sam. Because you took off for three years and didn't call once. I'm mad because on my 18th birthday Dad gave me a new gun and a cake and you didn't even call. I'm mad because when I was trying to decide whether or not to drop out I called and you didn't answer. I'm mad because the first Christmas after you left I called and you didn't answer. I'm mad because you ignored me Sam. I mean, I know I probably don't mean as much as Jess, or your college friends did but it still would have been nice to at least talk to you." Dean had kept his eyes on the road the whole time, but now they skirted to Sam, and Sam's heart broke. Did he really think of himself like that? Those dammed wounded eyes told Sam he did. What the hell happened? How the hell did three short years turn his brother from some irresistibly suave troublemaker to this self-loathing boy hiding behind a cocksure mask? Or was he always like that, and Sam had just elected to ignore it?

"Dean, you listen to me right now. No one, living or dead is ever going to mean more to me than you do." Yes, he'd included Jessica in that because he realized at that moment that it was true. No one mattered more than Dean to him, not their father, not their mother, not Jess, and Sam would be dammed if he let another thing get in between him and Dean.

Dean looked at him with those wounded innocent eyes and Sam's resolve solidified.

"You are not stupid, you are the smartest person I've ever met, and the best hunter I know. Even at 15 Dean, you were already better than me, and looked like you were going to be better than Dad. You mean more to me than anyone there ever did, and the thing I regret more than anything else in my life is never calling you, and never answering when you called. But I can't change that now, no matter how much I wish I could. You're not a brainwashed soldier either, in fact the fact that you were going to take off on your own proves you're more independent then Dad or I ever gave you credit for. I'm sorry for everything I've done, and I know two stupid words isn't near enough to cut it, but I swear I'll find a way to make it up to you. I will Dean, I promise."

Dean just looked at him sideways with weary eyes and nodded half-heartedly.

Sam just couldn't stop the voice in his head from saying, _don't make promises you can't keep. _

END


	2. Wendigo

**Inverse Operations: Wendigo**

The nightmare began differently this time. Instead of Jess on the ceiling, Sam was at her grave. He'd brought her flowers. Not roses. Never roses. Jess thought roses were stupid. Sam moved to lay the flowers down on her grave when a hand shot out of the dirt and gripped his wrist. Sam woke up with a start. He blinked a few times before sitting up straight in the passenger seat in the Impala. Dean was staring at him.

"You ok?" He asked. Sam stopped to look at him, and to give him the most honest look he could manage.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Sam replied, his acting just a little too good. Dean saw right through his bullshit, but he didn't call Sam out on it.

"Another nightmare?" He asked instead. Sam cleared his throat and looked away. He was fine. He had to make Dean believe that, he had to get Dean to stop worrying about him.

"Wanna drive for a while?" Dean asked; his eyes glued to his older brother. Sam just laughed incredulously. He glanced at Dean, the fake smile still plastered on his face. He could see the worry in Dean's eyes, two deep green pools of concern.

"No Dean, I'm fine. I don't need to drive." Sam said, and he meant it, the last part anyway. He'd just started to realize how attached to the car his little brother actually was. Dean was always abnormally relaxed when he was in the front seat. He looked so calm, so at peace, and Sam didn't want to take that away from him. Besides, driving didn't relax him like it did Dean. It only reminded him that he was responsible for his little brother, not wrecking the Impala, and making sure no one pulls them over and looks in the trunk. Yeah, he wasn't big on driving.

"Just thought you might want to, never mind." Dean muttered back.

"Look man, you're worried about me. I get it, and thank you, but I'm perfectly ok." Sam replied, though he knew Dean saw right through the lie. He wasn't fine, and he didn't know how long it was going to be until he was. But Sam knew he had got to pull it together, for Dean if no one else. Dean still looked half-starved, even though throughout the past week Sam had been trying to get him to eat more. Sam was pretty sure he should be worried about how thin Dean was, but given Dean's enthusiasm when it came to food Sam didn't think it was going to be a problem for much longer. The insomnia on the other hand was an issue. Sam wasn't sure when his brother started to deny any idea of sleep, but he had, and it was taking its toll. He was sure however that the right amount of brotherly love at the right time would fix that. Brotherly love meaning saying _Get your ass into bed Dean or so help me God! _in the John Winchester tone.

"Mm-hmm." Dean replied, the sarcasm in his voice thinly veiled. Sam ignored it and grabbed the map instead of replying.

"Where are we?"

"We are just outside of Grand Junction."

Sam studied the map, intensely scrutinizing every detail that he'd already looked over a hundred times. His mind, however, wandered away from the task at hand and back to his apartment in Palo Alto. To Jessica. To the fire.

"You know what? Maybe we shouldn't have left Stanford so soon." Dean kept his eyes on the road.

"Sam, we dug around there for a week and came up with nothing." They'd been through the same song and dance at least four times since leaving Palo Alto. Dean knew exactly where to start the conversation to keep Sam away from California. "If you wanna find the thing that killed Jessica…" He trailed off, and Sam knew right where to pick up.

"We've got to find Dad first."

"Dad disappearing and this thing showing up again after 18 years? It's no coincidence. Dad'll have answers. He'll know what to do." Dean finished. Sam realized that to Dean their Dad was the first to go to when shit hit the fan. His dependence on their father made Sam's insides turn, but he knew that all teenagers depended on their fathers; it was rational, at least on some level. However Sam wasn't sure the level of _Dean's_ dependence could be considered rational. Obviously their Dad couldn't fix everything, but Sam wasn't sure Dean knew that. They did both know that John Winchester had his faults, one of them being purposely ignoring Dean for three weeks, and now the both of them for a week. _Another being raising his sons to be soldiers. Another being letting Dean drop out. _Sam stopped himself. That particular train of thought would last longer than the rest of the drive to Black Water would. He instead focused on the map in his hands, and on the x that marked the coordinates.

"It's weird man. These coordinates he left us, this Black Water Ridge…"

"What about it?"

"There's nothin' there. It's just… woods." Sam put the map down, screwing up his face in concentration. The coordinates didn't make any sense to him yet, and he needed them to. "Why's he sending us to the middle of nowhere?"

Sam and Dean exchanged a glance. Neither of them had any real idea why, but Sam wanted to know. He was angry. Angrier than he should have been, he knew, but he was angry at John for leaving Dean. And more than that he was angry at himself for leaving Jessica unprotected, and he was angry at the demon for killing his mother and his girlfriend, and he was angry at himself for ignoring Dean. He was just generally very angry. Plus they still hadn't cleared up everything they'd talked about a week ago, and Sam knew that if Dean had anything to say about it, they wouldn't be.

And Sam? Sam was just too damn angry to care.

SPN

When they got to the Lost Creek national forest Sam examined the model of the forest and ridge. He started to explain the location to Dean, noticing how remote the ridge actually was. The Winchester's weren't known for their love of camping, and Sam had a hard time imagining exactly why anyone would ever want to go camping. It was just days of no toilet, no signal, and constant danger. Some people were just a special kind of stupid.

"Dude check out the size of this friggin' bear." Dean said. Sam rolled his eyes and turned around to find his little brother completely absorbed in a photo of a hunter standing behind a grizzly bear easily three times his size and then some. As he looked at his brother he took in Dean's appearance. The leather jacket fit him well, but the fact that it was over sized and meant for their father only added to his starved appearance. _First thing we do when we get out of here is raid a roadside diner. _Sam decided as he walked over to Dean.

"…And a dozen or so giant grizzlies in the area. It's no nature hike that's for sure."

"You boys aren't planning to go out near Black Water Ridge by any chance?" The brothers turned around to see an older ranger with a mug of coffee and a pin on his left side that named him Ranger Wilkinson. Sam spun a bull story about them being students, but the ranger easily saw through their lie. He asked them if they were friends of a girl named Hailey. It took Dean half a second to catch onto the lie and continue it. Sam wanted to roll his eyes at his brother, but instead he just waited for him to get the back country permit Hailey's brother had filled out from the ranger.

Dean grinned to himself the whole way back to the car.

"What are you cruising for a hook up or something?" Sam asked once they'd reached the Impala. Dean had been just out of puberty when Sam left, and Sam clearly remembered his little brothers already over reactive libido. It had been embarrassing in the worst of times, and something to roll his eyes at in the best of times. But right then Sam was just annoyed that it was going to cost them precious time that could be spent finding their father.

"What do you mean?" Dean asked. Sam rolled his eyes and explained his reasoning. He thought they should just go and find Dad. Dean thought they should know what they were walking into out in the woods. Dean even gave him a 'are you out of your mind?' look. That just served to agitate Sam.

"What?"

"Well since when are you all shoot first, ask questions later anyway?" Dean asked.

"Since now." With that Sam got in the passenger side and shut the door. Dean followed a moment later frowning.

"So, are we actually going to this Hailey girl's house?" Sam asked when Dean got in the car. Dean shot him a look and started the Impala.

"Yes Sam, we are."

SPN

Dean watched Sam the whole way to Hailey's house. It was getting on Sam's nerves. He didn't understand why Dean couldn't just accept the fact that they needed to find Dad ASAP. He thought Dean of all people would understand exactly why it was important they hurry in finding their father, he might just end up bailing on them again, and Sam wasn't letting that happen. Not when he so desperately needed answers.

When they finally did get to Hailey's they told her they were rangers who were heading to Black Water the next day. She told them she'd see them there; that she wasn't going to just sit around any longer. Dean had gotten a strange look in his eye and said,

"I think I know how you feel." Sam looked up at that. He could see it in his brother's eyes; respect. Dean knew because it was what he'd done. He had gone out alone in search for their father. Only when he'd tried everything else and still couldn't find John Winchester did he finally head to Sam. Sam realized now that he'd been expecting big brother to fix things, like he always used to. This however, this was something Sam couldn't fix.

When they got back in the car Dean had a weird look on his face.

"You ok?" Sam asked. Dean glanced at him before starting the car.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. It's just…" He trailed off. Sam looked at him expectantly.

"Just what Dean?"

"Nothing, it's nothing." Then he started the car and they drove to the nearest motel. It was called Black Water Motel, and the room themes were river and forest. It looked horrendous.

When they got into their room Dean headed straight for the bathroom, and Sam for his laptop, but his mind wasn't on research. It was on Dean, as usual. Dean's face when he'd told Hailey he knew how she felt most specifically. He respected her mindset, that much Sam knew. But later when he'd gotten into the car he'd looked more run down than usual, and given the fact that he usually looked run down Sam wasn't content with just blowing it off.

When Dean came out of the bathroom Sam decided that was the moment of attack.

"Hey Dean, you ok?" He asked as Dean stripped of his jacket and boots. Leaving him in nothing but a t-shirt and faded jeans. He didn't even look at Sam as he flopped down on the bed, exhaustion radiating from every pore in his body.

"Yeah Sam, I'm fine." No new answer, Sam decided it was time for a different approach.

"What was it like?"

"What was what like?" His voice was wary. He knew what was coming.

"Those weeks looking for Dad."

"They were fine Sam."

"Really Dean? Because you showed up at my apartment looking like bulldozed crap."

"You flatter me Sam, really you do." Dean said into the pillow. Sam rolled his eyes.

"Dean, seriously. Tell me about it." Dean sighed and sat up, but he didn't look at Sam. Sam figured one out of two wasn't bad.

"It was tiring Sam, and lonely. What else do you want me to say?" Sam's face adopted a concerned expression, and he moved to sit across from Dean.

"Dean, talk to me man. What was it like? You haven't been sleeping right, that much I know, and you eat every meal like it's your last. Dean, what's been going on? And is it more than these past few weeks?" Dean looked very much like he wanted to sink right into the mattress and never come back up, but Sam wasn't going to allow it. He needed to know what was going on with Dean. He really did. He'd neglected his brother for 3 years, and from what he'd heard their Dad hadn't exactly been father of the year during those years either.

"It was lonely Sam." Sam waited for him to continue, and continue he did. And he didn't stop.

"Especially after you left. Dad, he- he wasn't himself. He drank a lot after you left. And about a week after you did he took off too. Middle of the night. Left me a note telling me to finish the last few days of school there, then he'd written some coordinates. He kept sending them to me that whole summer. I don't think I saw him more than twice those three months. He eventually showed back up in September though. Signed me up for a school in Oregon. It had this big witch cult thing going on that was going to take a while, so we stayed there for a bit. Eventually he left though. Told me to stay until he got back. I ended up staying there for at least two more months. And that's how it went really. He'd stick me some place, leave, then come back right before we'd leave again. Over the breaks he assigned me cases. He'd pull me out of school sometimes too if he really needed me on hunts. Summers were the worst though. I was lucky if I got to see him more than twice over the summers. I spent a month with Bobby summer before junior year. Dad wasn't happy about it, and Bobby wasn't happy about the way he'd apparently been treating me. I didn't care much, but Bobby threatened Dad with a shotgun so Dad grabbed me and we shagged ass out of South Dakota. Haven't been to Bobby's since. He called though. Sent me stuff for my birthday and Christmas when he could." Dean stopped talking almost awkwardly. There was obviously more, but Dean was too uncomfortable to continue. Sam however was ready to start throwing punches. He couldn't believe John. Dean was a kid. He'd been a kid when Sam had left; and he still was one now. The worst though wasn't knowing that John rarely contacted Dean at all, no, the worst was knowing that only a week after Sam had left John had too. They'd both left Dean within a week of each other, and the fifteen year old had been left to fend for himself. Fifteen. Dean had been only fifteen goddamn years old. How could John have left Dean when he was still a kid? Dean couldn't even drive yet. He couldn't have even legally gotten a learners permit, much less a license. Sam clenched his fists. He noticed Dean tense up. He couldn't imagine what he was waiting for, and Sam decided he didn't particularly want to know either. Instead he moved to the other bed and pulled his little brother into a hug.

"I'm so sorry Dean. I'm so, so sorry." Dean didn't move for a moment. He was tense and seemed unwilling to loosen up. When Sam started to rub his back Dean finally let go, and Sam felt the first few tears finally fall. Dean was crying silently, but at least he was crying. How long they stayed like that Sam had no idea. Dean's hands were fisted in Sam's T-shirt relentlessly. He didn't want to let go, and he wasn't going to. Sam's response was to hold his baby brother tighter; he was content with just sitting on the mattress holding Dean while Dean cried. Sam put names to faces and labeled what had happened, and his mind ran in circles, repeating it over and over again; making sure he never forgot.

_Dean was abandoned._

Sam knew, as he held his baby brother, that this was exactly what had happened. Sam had left, then John had left and Dean had been 15. Unable to do anything about it because he didn't want to be taken away from his family. Unable to rely on anyone because everyone he thought he could rely on was gone. He'd only been a kid. Sam was so guilty he didn't think he could stand if he tried. He'd abandoned his 15 year old brother. Sure he hadn't had any idea John would leave too, but he'd still left. Sam closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Dean's silent tears had started to lessen, but he hadn't moved from Sam's arms and Sam wasn't about to make him. He didn't know what to think anymore. How was he supposed to make up three years of abandonment to Dean? Three years of no one being there for him. Three years of having to make his own breakfast lunch and dinner.

All of a sudden questions rained down on him. _Was Dad there for your birthdays? How many? Was he there for Christmas? Any holiday's at all? How did you know he was missing if he never contacted you? How did you get money? Did he wire it to you? Give it to you in person? Did you have to make money? Is that why you're so thin? Is that why you eat everything in sight? _Sam refrained from asking. It was too much at once, he knew. Dean was already pretty bad off, and Sam didn't want to make it any worse. The last few questions bothered him more than the others did though. Abandoning Dean was bad enough, but leaving him without money for food and water and clothes? That was just horrific. Sam was pretty sure John had won worst father of the year award the last three years even if that wasn't the case. He probably had trophies and everything.

As Sam held Dean tighter still he noticed the change in his little brother's breathing. It was shallower, deeper, and a thousand times more peaceful. Dean had fallen asleep. Sam smiled slightly, and glanced over at his laptop. He really needed to do research, but he didn't want to move Dean. Not just yet. He glanced at the clock 8:56. The research could wait another hour.

SPN

The next morning when Sam woke up in his own bed the first thing he did was look over at Dean. He was still fast asleep.

The next thing he did was look at the clock. 5:29. It would go off in a minute. Sam turned the alarm off. Dean could sleep while Sam took a shower and got dressed. He needed it.

Sam showered quickly, and dressed in half the time. It was 5:50 by the time he was done. He scribbled a quick note to Dean, grabbed the keys and headed out to get breakfast. They didn't have to be at Black Water until 7:30 and Sam would be dammed if Dean missed another breakfast. He ordered eggs for himself and a stack of 4 pancakes, bacon, eggs, and toast for Dean. He grabbed two coffees as well and headed back to the motel room. When he got back Dean was in the shower.

"I come bearing gifts!" He called through the door. The water shut off and the reply came moments after.

"Great, I'll be right out." Five minutes later Dean was out in nothing but a towel. He grabbed the pile of clothes he'd left by the bed and started to get dressed while Sam set up breakfast. When Dean finally sat at the table heaping plates of reasonably warm breakfast was shoved at him, as was a large cup of piping hot black coffee. Dean looked up at Sam suspiciously. Sam just shrugged innocently.

"What?"

"This is a lot of breakfast Sam."

"Yeah, so?"

"It's not like I'm going to go hungry." _Not anymore. _Sam wanted so desperately to say, but it wouldn't be fair to pray on the insecurities Dean had shared last night like that. Instead he shrugged and ordered Dean to eat his food. Dean didn't need to be told twice. He started shoveling food down his throat. Sam wouldn't be shocked to find out that only half of it was actually chewed before it was swallowed. Sam didn't call him out on his eating habits though. He couldn't. Not now. Not with what he knew.

"So, when're we ganna head out to the Ridge?" Dean asked around a mouthful of pancake. Sam glanced at the clock. 6:25. They had a good half hour to go before they needed to leave. Sam figured they could spend that time going over the research he'd dug up the night before.

"In about half an hour. Want to see what I found?" He asked. Dean nodded and polished off the last of his bacon.

"Let's see what the great professor Winchester has to offer." Dean replied with a smile. A genuine one. Sam thought it looked good on him and he smiled back.

"Ok, so Black Water Ridge isn't exactly popular. Local people mostly. Two guys went missing this past April, and a few years before that there was an attack. Eight people dead. I checked, and every 23 years there's another supposed bear attack. It's been going on for a while. Dozens of people go missing or are found dead. Authorities claim grizzlies are to blame. It's logical I guess, I mean you saw the picture, but the dates are too perfect. So I looked into all the attacks, and there was one particular incident that caught my eye." He handed Dean a file.

"An attack in 1959. Several people missing, one survivor. A young boy called Shaw. He barely escaped alive. I called him last night. He told me the thing moved too fast to be a bear. Not only that, but he said it didn't just break into their cabin, it unlocked the door." Dean quirked an eyebrow.

"Unlocked?" Sam nodded.

"Yeah. It unlocked the door and dragged Shaw's parents out into the woods. He says he's got no idea why the thing let him go, but that it left him some very memorable claw marks across his left shoulder. They reach from his chest almost to his shoulder blade." Dean's eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

"Yikes." Sam nodded, then grabbed his laptop.

"I also went over the footage Hailey Collins sent us. The video her brother sent her on day six of his trip. Watch this." Sam pulled up the video Tommy Collins had sent his sister. Sam stopped it after a couple of seconds and played three frames frame by frame. It showed a thing moving in the background. The thing was in a completely different spot each frame. Dean leaned closer.

"Play it again."

Sam did.

"Damn. That thing moves fast." Dean mused.

"Not just fast. That's three frames Dean. That's a fraction of a second." Dean stared at the second frame. It was in the vague shape of something, but Sam couldn't quite put his finger on what exactly it was. He knew from the look on Dean's face that he was trying to figure it out too.

"All right, well I say we grab our gear and head down to the park." Dean said.

"Good idea. You go ahead to the car; I'm going to put this stuff away." Dean nodded and headed out the door without looking at him. Sam realized Dean and eye contact didn't seem to be getting along that morning. Definitely due to his late night confession. Sam sighed and started to pack his laptop and research away. He would make the last three years up to Dean. He would. He had to.

SPN

When they arrived at the national park Hailey, Ben, and their 'guide' Roy were already there. Sam immediately didn't like Roy, and he knew Dean didn't either. He thought he knew more than he did. He acted like he was smarter and better than everyone else. Sam really didn't like him, and figured if any idiot was going to meet an accidental end that day; it was going to be Roy.

They hadn't been walking for very long when Dean started to piss Roy off. He was aggravating the older hunter, taunting him. Roy probably didn't understand the depth of Dean's words, but he understood the connotation was overall negative. After a while Dean hit a weak spot like Sam knew he would.

"Tell me, uh, Bambi or Yogi ever hunt you back?" Dean asked with a smirk on his face. Roy grabbed the back of his jacket and pulled him back roughly. Sam tensed immediately. _If this idiot thinks laying a hand on my little brother is even remotely a good idea, he's got another thing coming. _

"What you doing Roy?" Dean asked; a challenge in his voice. Sam silently wished his brother would just shut his mouth for once. Roy let go of Dean with a small shove. He picked a stick up off the ground and stuck it in the ground. There was a loud snap, and Dean looked down.

"You should watch where you're stepping… ranger." Roy sneered. Dean nodded, annoyance obvious though he kept the smirk on his face. Sam stayed tense. He didn't like Roy already, and grabbing Dean had put him in a new level of low on Sam's list.

"It's a bear trap." Dean laughed lightly. Sam rolled his eyes, but decided looking at the ground a bit more was a good idea. He needed to make sure Dean did too. A broken bleeding ankle was just the icing on the crap cake they were currently making by walking into this forest.

They continued to walk, but Hailey stopped Dean.

"You didn't pack any provisions. You guys are carrying a duffle bag. You're not rangers, so who the hell are you?" She grabbed Dean's arm and pulled until he was facing her. _What is with the grabbing Dean today? _Sam wondered slightly annoyed. If Dean had hand shaped bruises by the end of the stupid trip Sam was going to flip his lid. He'd decided.

Dean locked eyes with Sam, and Sam gave him a questioning look. Dean nodded to him. Telling him that he'd be fine, to go on ahead. So Sam continued to walk. He knew Dean would be fine. He was probably going to tell Hailey the real reason they were out there, trying to find John, and it wouldn't be so bad if she knew. If anything it would just make Hailey respect Dean even more.

When Dean finally caught back up Sam turned to Roy and asked,

"What coordinates are we at?"

"35, and minus 111." Sam immediately fumed; John wasn't there. Dean walked up to him and looked around.

"You hear that?" He asked. Sam listened and heard nothing.

"Yeah. Not even crickets." He replied stoically. It was then that Roy decided to grace everyone with his stupidity.

"I'm going to go take a look around." Sam turned to look at him.

"You shouldn't go off by yourself." Roy chuckled ill-humoredly.

"That's sweet. Don't worry about me." Yeah, Sam really hated his guts. Dean glared after him, and Sam fallowed his brother's example. The idiot was most definitely going to get himself killed.

"All right, everybody stay together. Come on." Dean followed Roy, and everyone else followed Dean. They walked for a little while before Roy called suddenly from somewhere in the trees.

"Hailey! Over here!" Hailey and Ben took off first, Sam and Dean followed close behind. When they got there Hailey gasped. The campsite was torn to shreds. There were blood and claw marks everywhere. The tent was in total disrepair. There was absolutely nothing salvageable. Blood, bits of food, sleeping bag fluff, everything was scattered all over the site. It looked like a tornado had hit.

"Looks like a grizzly." Roy mused. Sam however knew that it was no grizzly attack. There was no way. Sam noticed Dean was looking more around the edges of the camp, and realized what he was looking for; drag marks. Sam moved to help him, but stopped when Hailey started to shout.

"Tommy? Tommy? Tommy!" She screamed into the woods.

"Shh!" Sam came up behind her.

"Why?"

"Something might still be out there." He replied all the while scanning the forest. Sam heard Dean call his name and headed over to where his brother was behind a tree kneeling in the dirt. Dean looked up when he arrived.

"The bodies were dragged from the campsite. But here, the tracks just vanish. It's weird." Sam noted Dean's tracking skill with some pride as he realized his brother was right. There were drag marks leading away from the sight, but they just stopped in a random spot. No reason, they just stopped.

"I'll tell you what," Dean continued, "That's no skin walker or black dog." Sam knew immediately that Dean was right.

When they walked back to the campsite Sam saw Dean kneel down to comfort Hailey. Sam was about to head over to help when suddenly a man started screaming.

"HELP! Somebody help me! Please! Help me!" Roy took off first, and Dean followed immediately after. Sam walked forward almost warily. He didn't like it. It was too convenient.

They stood in the middle of a clearing, guns raised, looking around in the woods.

"It seemed like it was coming from here, didn't it?" Roy asked. Sam immediately tensed. He suddenly had an idea of what they were hunting, and he didn't like it.

"Everybody back to camp." He said, his voice urgent. Sam ran back first. He knew exactly what they would find, but he needed confirmation. He got it when he saw that their things were gone. While the others were complaining about their packs being gone Sam walked up to Dean.

"I need to speak with you… In private." The brothers were a little ways from the camp when Sam stopped Dean.

"Ok let me see Dad's journal." Dean handed him the book. Sam flipped through the pages until he found the one he needed. The one about Wendigo's.

"All right, check that out." Sam handed Dean the journal. Dean gave him a disbelieving look.

"Oh come on. Wendigo's are in Minnesota, or northern Michigan. I've never even heard of one this far west."

"Think about it Dean. The claws, the way it can mimic a human voice." Sam replied. He knew he was right. He'd known it since the second he saw the packs were gone.

"Great." Dean muttered, acceptance lighting his gaze. He held up his gun.

"Well then this is useless." Sam shoved the book back into Dean's chest and turned back toward the camp. He was twice as pissed as when they'd gotten there. A Wendigo. A freaking Wendigo. Their Dad had some issues in the matter of safety. Sam turned and spoke to Dean's back.

"We've got to get these people to safety." Sam then walked back to the camp.

"All right, listen up, it's time to go. Things have gotten more complicated." He was vaguely aware of the rustle announcing Dean's presence back in camp.

"What?" Hailey snapped. Her stony stubborn eyes told Sam that getting the idiots to safety would be harder than he thought.

"Whatever's out there, I can handle it." Roy told him, and Sam was reminded just how much he hated the older man.

"If you shoot this thing, you're just going to make it mad." Sam replied, his eyes skimming the trees. "We have to leave, now." Roy just looked at Sam like he was an idiot.

"One, you're talking nonsense. Two, you're in no position to be giving anybody orders." Roy snapped.

"Relax." Dean; always the voice of reason.

"We never should have let you come out here in the first place." Roy shot back, completely ignoring Dean.

"I'm trying to protect you." Sam said in a last ditch effort to make Roy see reason.

"_You _protect _me_?" Roy asked, as if it was the most absurd thing he'd ever heard. "I was hunting these woods when your mommy was still kissing you goodnight!" Sam tried not to punch him for that one, and he could see the slight falter in Dean's mask at the words. Roy was in his face, and Sam leaned down so he could get in the other hunter's face.

"It's a damn near _perfect _hunter. It's smarter than you. And it's going to hunt you down, and eat you alive unless we get your stupid sorry ass out of here." Sam said with a dark smirk on his face. Roy was still looking at him like he was an idiot, and now like he was completely insane too.

"Ha!" Roy shouted a laugh and shoved Sam. Sam noticed Dean tense up behind Roy, but ignored him. "You know you're crazy right?" Roy asked with a gleefully sick smirk on his old face.

"Yeah? You ever hunt-" Sam was cut off as Dean shoved himself in between them, and shoved Sam back away from Roy.

"Chill out." Dean ordered. Sam turned and stepped back. Listening to an order from his younger brother wasn't something he wanted to make a habit out of but he knew where Dean was coming from. He'd been getting dangerously angry with Roy. Dean had a halting hand on his chest, and was glaring at him, but Sam just glared right back.

"Stop it, everybody just stop." Hailey snapped, finally stepping in. _About freaking time. _Sam thought angrily. "Look, Tommy might still be alive. And I'm not leaving here without him." Hailey reminded them, like the stubborn look in her eyes hadn't been enough.

Dean didn't say anything; he just exchanged a glance with Sam, then replied to Hailey.

"It's getting late. This thing is a good hunter in the day, but an unbelievable hunter at night. We'll never beat it- not in the dark. We need to settle in and protect ourselves." Dean turned away from Sam and walked back into the center of the camp.

"How?" Hailey asked. Dean didn't respond. He just looked around the camp, eventually stopping and picking up a large stick. Sam realized what he was doing before he did it.

"Set up protective symbols. The thing can't cross them." Dean replied. Now, Sam noted with some apprehension, the others were looking at Dean like he was crazy.

"Look kid, that's all well and good, but I personally think we should get the guns and set up defenses that'll actually work." Roy replied sarcastically. Sam saw Dean's eyes flash. He really hated being called a kid. Sam couldn't blame him, when he himself had finally shrugged off the kid label he'd been ready to celebrate for weeks on end. Dean, however, probably wouldn't be rid of it until he was 30. He was the baby of the family, and there was no way Bobby would stop calling Dean kid when they went to see him, and Sam had decided that they would be seeing him. It didn't matter that their Dad had decided never to see Bobby again; Sam figured he owed Bobby for trying to look after Dean. Trying being the key word.

"Yeah well you do what you want, but when it's your ass about to be eaten, I'm not going to be the one saving you." Dean replied in a voice that made it sound like he was telling the complete truth. Sam marveled at Dean's ability to not be riled by the annoying older hunter. Sam had never been able to back down from a challenge. Especially not from people older than him. Especially from people like their father.

Roy just rolled his eyes.

"Whatever floats your boat kid." Dean ignored him and continued drawing symbols in the dirt. "What exactly are you protecting us from anyway?" Roy asked.

"Wendigo." Dean replied, not rising to Roy's tone.

"Right, a Wendigo. What else?"

SPN

That night Sam was sitting away from the fire and the others. Dean walked over and sat down next to him.

"You want to tell me what's going on in that freaky head of yours?" He asked, facing Sam. Sam couldn't see his little brother's face in with the fire being behind him, but he didn't have to see it to sense the concern practically flying off of him in waves.

"Dean…"

"No, you're not fine. You're like a powder keg man, it's not like you. I'm supposed to be the belligerent one, remember?" If Sam hadn't been so messed up he would have cracked a smile. At least Dean's urge to throw himself in the line of fire hadn't changed.

"Dad's not here. I mean, we know that much for sure, right? He would have left us a message, a sign, right?" Sam felt Dean tense beside him. He felt bad about laying this on his brother. Dean was taking their Dad's purposeful distance a lot harder than Sam was, understandably.

"Yeah, you're probably right." Dean sounded off, like he was trying to keep his voice from cracking. Sam kept his back turned, he didn't really want to console his brother at the moment. He wanted to wallow in his own self-pity. And turning and seeing the hurt on Dean's face wouldn't allow that to happen.

"To tell you the truth," Dean continued. "I don't think Dad's ever been to Lost Creek. I think it's like what he did to me over the last few years. I think he sent us here because he couldn't come, or didn't want to." Now Dean's voice cracked. Sam finally turned to face his little brother. Dean was looking at the ground, his hands fiddling in his lap. Sam felt a pang of guilt. This whole purposeful distance thing really was hitting Dean where it hurt. Sam wanted to put his arm around Dean. He wanted to reassure his brother that they would find their father; that it would all be all right. That Sam would make it all right. However he knew how Dean reacted to public displays of affection, and that he would most likely brush Sam off and tell him to stop being a girl, but Sam had to try. He put his arm around Dean, and shockingly Dean leaned into him. He squeezed Dean's arm.

"Its ganna be all right Dean. We'll find him." Sam held his brother tightly. He didn't remember Dean being one for physical contact, but he guessed three years with little to none would probably turn him around on the subject. Sam decided Dean needed the physical contact whenever he could provide it. A hand on the shoulder, a hug, something, anything, to make up for three years of no one caring enough to try. Save Bobby, and maybe occasionally their father, though Sam doubted it.

He held Dean for a little while longer before talking again.

"We should just leave now. He's not here. Let's get these people back to town and hit the road. Go find Dad. I mean, why are we even still here?" Dean sat back up, and stared at Sam for a second. Then he stood up and sat across from Sam. He sat there, green eyes set. Sam could see his face now, half of it at least. There were no tear tracks now, just solid stoic green eyes. Eyes that told Sam exactly what he thought of that idea. He pulled out their Dad's journal and put a hand on it.

"This is why. This book. This is Dad's single most valuable possession. Everything he knows about every evil thing is in here. And he's passed it on to us. I think he wants us to pick up where he left off. You know, saving people, hunting things. The family business." Sam looked into his brothers earnest eyes and was two seconds away from telling him exactly where Dad could shove his family business. Instead he just scrubbed his hands over his face and said, "That makes no sense. Why- why doesn't he just call us? Why doesn't he tell us what he wants, tell us where he is?" Sam could tell by Dean's bowed head that he'd hit a soft spot. He honestly hadn't meant to hurt his brother, but the idea was just ridiculous. Taking up the family business? Not to mention the no verbal communication thing. That still made Sam want to throw more than a few punches in John Winchesters direction.

"I don't know." Dean replied. "But the way I see it, Dad's given us a job, and I intend to do it." Of course he did. Sam held his tongue. Dean would always do the job. Even after three years of being abandoned by the people he called family he'd still do the goddamn job.

"Dean, no. I gotta find Dad. I gotta find Jessica's killer. It's the only thing I can think about." Sam saw the hurt on Dean's face when he said the words. He hadn't meant it that way. His baby brother was always on his mind, but at the moment those two things were taking full control of his thoughts.

"Ok. All right." Dean nodded. Sam tried not to feel too guilty about the look in Dean's weary green eyes.

"Sam we'll find them. I promise." And suddenly it was wrong. Sam should have been the one promising Dean. He was the older brother. He was the one who was supposed to support and reassure Dean, but instead it was the other way around.

"Listen to me, you've got to prepare yourself. Because this search could take a while. And all that anger, you can't keep it burning over the long haul. It's gonna kill you. You gotta have patience man." Dean continued, and Sam saw it. The fear in Dean's eyes. He was scared of losing his big brother. And that was when Sam knew he couldn't take the reverse therapy anymore. He had to help Dean like he was supposed to. He nodded and put his hands on Dean's shoulders.

"I got it Dean. I won't let it get me. And don't worry about anything all right? I'm going to be fine, and so are you. I won't let anything happen to you, ok? _I_ promise." Dean nodded, a smile starting to spread across his face.

"Ok Sam, ok." Sam smiled back at him. Suddenly they heard shouting.

"HELP!"

Sam got up first that time, flash light out immediately, scanning the trees. He'd just promised Dean everything would be fine, that they'd both be fine. There was no way he was going back on that promise. They stood in the center of the camp, Roy with his gun cocked. Sam held a flashlight and Dean just stared into the woods. The three of them were on the perimeter, with Hailey and Ben in the middle. Sam could say a lot of pretty nasty things about Roy, and they'd all be true, but one thing he couldn't say was that the guy was a coward. He'd stayed and was protecting Hailey and Ben. Whether he'd do that if he believed in what was actually out there hunting them remained unknown.

"It's trying to draw us out. Just stay put. Stay cool." Dean's voice was as soothing as he could manage, and Sam thought that was pretty damn soothing, especially for Dean.

"Inside the magic circle?" Roy asked, sarcasm dripping from his voice. Neither of the brothers responded. The wendigo was screaming again. Shouting for help. No one moved. Not even Roy. Sam gave him credit for that.

Suddenly the screams for help were drowned out by the vicious growling, and eventually help became just screams of pain and horror. Then only growling.

"Okay, that's no grizzly." Roy mused, his gun trained on the trees where they'd heard the growling.

Sam noticed Hailey grab Ben's hand and lead him over to a log to sit down.

"It's okay. We'll be all right. I promise." Sam thought it was funny how he'd said those same words to Dean only moments ago. He wondered how much Dean actually believed him. Given the circumstances, probably not much.

Suddenly the growling grew louder, and the bushes rustled noisily. Something was running through them. Roy fired his gun. The rustling stopped. It started again, and Roy shot again. There was a yowl like whatever he'd been firing at had been hit and was in pain.

"I hit it!" Roy shouted. Sam and Dean knew better.

"Roy no! Roy!" Dean shouted. Roy didn't turn around. Dean turned to Hailey and Ben and ordered them to stay where they were, then he took off after Roy. Sam had half a mind to tell Dean exactly how stupid that little act of heroism was, but given the fact that he'd taken off after Dean without a second thought, he decided to keep his mouth shut.

They were a little ways from camp when Dean shouted out for Roy again.

"ROY!"

"It's over here! It's-" Roy was cut off suddenly, and Dean darted towards where they heard the voice coming from. Sam shined the flashlight for Dean, but there was nothing to see; no one to see. Roy was gone.

"Damn idiot got himself killed didn't he?" Dean asked once they'd searched a bit longer. Sam nodded, his breathing fast.

"Most likely. Come on, let's get back to camp." Sam lead the way back to camp, pausing every few minutes to make sure Dean was still behind him. When they got back to camp Hailey stood up immediately.

"Where's Roy?" She asked, her voice wavering. Sam looked to Dean and saw the guilt in his eyes. It was misplaced, Sam knew, but he also knew Dean. Maybe not as well as he'd like to, but he knew that Dean took on guilt he didn't need. Sam was pretty sure that much would never change.

"Roy's dead." Dean said, his voice solid. Hailey put her hand over her mouth and sat next to her brother, who looked like he was about to pass out.

"Look, nobody leave the circle. It's already fed tonight, but that doesn't mean it won't try again. Stay inside and try to get some sleep." Sam told her. He already knew how much sleep he was getting tonight, and that was absolutely none. He was going to try and get Dean to catch a couple hours though.

The way they were set up had Hailey and Ben lying in the center of the camp on top of the most intact sleeping bags they could find, and Sam and Dean sitting next to each other, backs against a tree, eyes open and on the forest. Sam could see Dean's eyes drooping. His body was definitely lacking in the sleep department.

"Dean, try and get some sleep ok? I'll watch for the wendigo." Dean shook his head.

"Can't do that Sam; we've got to protect them." And by that Dean meant he needed to protect them. He was still feeling guilty about Roy Sam decided.

"Dean, I can watch the forest, I've got the average amount of sleep under my belt. Plus we've got protection all around this place, it isn't getting in. Come on Dean, you're about to pass out man. Just get some sleep."

"What makes you the boss of me?" Dean asked, his eyes already drooping groggily.

"I'm older, which means you do what I say. Now go to sleep Dean." Sam knew he'd won. The big brother/little brother card always won the other sibling over. Sam was sorry to say the little brother card had ended up being put to use more often when they were younger, and he'd fallen for it every time.

"Fine, bitch."

"Jerk." Sam grinned, knowing he'd won. Dean lay back against the tree and was out like a light. His head slid until it was rested against Sam's arm. Sam moved and put his arm around his baby brother, a protective gesture Sam realized he missed. Sam looked down at his sleeping brother. Dean always looked younger when he slept. The worry lines were expunged from his face, and the constant tension melted from his body. He was limp at Sam's side, his breathing deep and regular. Sam smiled; Dean deserved this kind of peace more often.

SPN

Sam, true to his word, stayed up the whole night with Dean tucked under his arm. He caught himself drifting several times right before the sun came up. When it finally did Sam felt Dean shift under his arm. Dean blinked a few times and Sam nearly laughed at the sight of the drowsy green eyes. When Dean finally turned to look at Sam he adopted a horrified expression. For a moment Sam was afraid there was something behind him, but then Dean shot out of the embrace and Sam laughed.

"Jeez Samantha, you're such a girl." He muttered, his cheeks bright red, but Sam didn't care. He just chuckled some more and waited for the Collins siblings to wake up.

It wasn't until 8 that morning that the subject of the wendigo was broached again.

"I don't… I mean these types of things, they aren't supposed to be real." Hailey said suddenly. Sam looked up to see Dean examining a tree trunk.

"I wish I could tell you different." He said, kneeling in front of her. Sam almost grinned; Dean was trying to see if he could get the girl on this one.

"So how do we know that it's not watching us?"

"We don't." Dean replied. Sam grimaced. They didn't know whether or not the wendigo was stalking them, but Sam was willing to bet a fair amount of money that it was.

"But we're safe for now." Dean continued; always the charmer. Sam tuned out the rest of their conversation and went to walk around the perimeter. Just because they were safe didn't mean he wasn't nervous. He glared around the trees, there didn't seem to be anything out there, that didn't mean there wasn't. He finished his survey of the trees and walked back to Dean and the Collins's

"Hey, so we've got a half a chance in the daylight. And I for one, want to kill this evil son of a bitch." Sam announced. He'd long since decided that Dean had been right the night before, they had a job to do, and it had two parts. Part one: save the innocents. Part 2: kill the evil son of bitch, and Sam was more than ready to complete part 2, since he'd failed pretty miserably at part 1.

Dean flashed him a wide grin that did, for once, meet his eyes.

"Well hell you know I'm in."

SPN

After teaching Hailey and Ben all they could about wendigos in 20 minutes while Dean made the molotov they started tracking the claw marks in the trees. Sam let Dean take the lead so he could watch him. Dean's skills had improved in the past 3 years. Even when the claw marks were virtually non-existent Dean still tracked them, and made it seem incredibly easy. Sam knew from experience however, that that was not the case.

Sam decided Dean liked being in control. He'd sure had plenty of practice after being left alone for three years. Sam felt the familiar pang of regret and guilt twist his stomach. The whole hindsight thing was a bitch.

They'd been walking for a good 20 minutes when Sam finally noticed something.

"Dean."

"What is it?" Sam looked around at the trees, all of which had claw marks. Dean's eyes scanned the trees and Sam knew he was thinking the same thing. At first the claw marks had been slim to none. They'd steadily grown in number, and now there was a claw mark on every tree. Sam didn't need to tell Dean this, but he did anyway. Dean didn't reply, and Sam knew it was because they were thinking the same thing; it was a trap.

Suddenly there was growling, and lots of it. The bushes thrashed, and Sam saw a humanoid form dart from behind a tree. Dean had the Molotov at the ready, and was turning around and around looking for the wendigo. Sam whipped around when he heard Hailey scream. He turned around just in time to see Roy's body fall from a tree, and Hailey fall over in shock. Sam immediately went to her and asked if she was all right. Dean went to the body.

"His neck's broken." Dean announced, head snapping up and looking around once more. The growling started up again. Sam grabbed Dean's sleeve and pulled him along.

"Go! Run! Go, go, go!" Sam shouted. Sam made sure Dean was running ahead before taking off after him. Dean ran out ahead with Hailey, but Ben's foot caught a root and he crashed to the ground. Sam turned back and pulled Ben to his feet.

"Come on. I got you. I got you." Sam repeated the mantra, trying to sound a thousand times calmer than he felt.

"Hailey!" Ben shouted and took off again. Sam flew after him after realizing he could no longer see Dean. Sam heard Hailey scream and willed his legs to go faster. When they finally got to the spot they'd heard the scream come from Hailey and Dean were gone. Just gone. Sam looked to the ground and what he saw made him want to vomit. The bottle that had been used to create the Molotov was broken in half, and hadn't been lit. Sam turned, staring desperately into the trees. This couldn't be happening. His baby brother was gone, taken by a wendigo. He was going to be strung up in some cave and eaten alive. Sam's stomach reacted violently to the thought, and it took all his will power not to vomit. This couldn't happen. His second hunt back in the game with Dean and Sam loses him. He lost his little brother.

"DEAN!"

SPN

They stayed in the clearing for a little while. Sam was too wrecked to think correctly. The only thing he could think about was getting his baby brother back. Having him in front of him, solid and real and alive.

"If it keeps its victims alive why would it kill Roy?" Ben asked. Sam had to admit, this kid was getting on his nerves. He was about ten seconds from a complete mental break down and the kid was asking about the wendigo's lovers spat with Roy.

"Honestly? I think because Roy shot at it. He pissed it off." Sam wasn't really paying attention to Ben. He knew he should be, he still had one civilian to look after, but his mind was wandering to what the wendigo could possibly be doing to Dean. It made him shudder.

"They went this way." Ben called from where he was crouched a few feet away. Sam jogged over and kneeled down along with him. There, forming a rugged path were brightly colored peanut m&m's. Sam grinned; his little brother was a freaking genius.

"It's better than bread crumbs." Sam laughed at his brother's genius and Ben grinned back. They stood up and followed the bright trail of chocolate. Sam was overjoyed at Dean's genius and quick thinking, but part of him was angry, at himself. He should have just found Dean. He shouldn't have needed help from his kidnapped brother to find him. No, Sam should have been able to track and find Dean on his own, but he hadn't, and he wasn't happy about that.

They followed the trail for 15 minutes before Sam saw where it led; an abandoned mine. He remembered reading about Black Water Ridge's various abandoned mines. _It's no tourist spot, that's for sure. _He remembered his words from earlier and swallowed hard. Dean was in there. Sam walked right into the mine, he didn't even bother to warn Ben to stay out; he knew it was pointless.

They'd walked down the mine shaft until the light was a fading dot in the background when they heard it. The wendigo was walking toward them. Sam pulled Ben up against the wall, and covered his mouth when Ben started to panic.

"Shh." He lulled, trying to keep as quiet as possible. Sam saw it walk by the wall they were hiding behind, and away from them. As soon as it was out of sight Sam relaxed, if only a little.

They continued along the mine until they reached an area where the floor was rotting away and the boards were barely staying up. Sam realized too late that it was going to break on them. They crashed through the floor and into another room before Sam could do anything. They both groaned when they hit the ground, and Sam allowed himself to wallow in the pain that was seemingly everywhere for just a couple of seconds before Ben screamed and shot back. Sam was at his side in an instant, and saw immediately what had freaked him out. Skulls, dozens of human skulls where scattered around the cave.

"Hey, it's okay, it's okay." Sam soothed. Then he turned and caught sight of Dean and Hailey, and it was most definitely _not _okay. Sam didn't think he'd seen anything more horrible than what he saw when he looked at Dean in that moment. They were both unconscious and hanging, suspended by their wrists. Hailey looked relatively okay, considering she was hanging with her feet just barely brushing the rocks below her. Dean however, looked awful. Sam couldn't see too well but it seemed like Dean was bleeding, and he was completely suspended, nothing was under his feet. The only thing keeping up his muscular frame were his thin wrists. Sam scrambled up and headed to his brother. He grabbed Dean's sides and shook him.

"Dean? Wake up." Dean was unresponsive. "Dean!" Sam shook him harder. Dean's eyes shot open and he immediately grunted in pain. He blinked a few times and Sam could easily see the pain shoot through them. Sam nearly cried in relief.

"Hey, you okay little brother?" Sam asked, a faint smile on his face.

"Ugh, yeah." Dean replied, but the pain in his voice betrayed him, as did his appearance. He looked like shit. His face was covered in dirt and blood and sweat, his muscles were tense, and his green eyes were dulled with pain. Sam ignored Hailey and Ben while he got Dean down. He cut away the roped that kept him suspended and immediately Dean slumped into him. Sam put one arm around Dean's side and kept the other firmly on Dean's forearm. Dean was leaning heavily on him, but it felt like he was trying not to.

"Gotcha, I gotcha little brother." Sam spoke gently as he led Dean away from the hanging spot down to where a couple of different camping packs were placed. He laid Dean down gently, trying to get his brother to sit. He managed to get Dean to sit down, but not without several dozen grunts and groans from Dean.

"You sure you're all right?" Sam asked, though he already knew both Dean's answer and the truth, and that they would both be complete opposites.

"Yeah, yeah, where is it?" Dean asked breathlessly. Sam sighed; it was always about the hunt. Dean could never take 5 seconds to worry about his own health.

"It's gone for now." Sam replied, his disapproving tone was solely for Dean's inability to look after himself, but he was pretty sure that wasn't how Dean saw it. Dean's face was still contorted in pain, and his eyes were squeezed shut. The 18 year old had a higher pain tolerance than most, and the fact that he was physically grimacing told Sam he had to be in pretty bad shape. Sam grabbed Dean's hands and checked his wrists. They had some heavy duty rope burn and were both bleeding pretty badly. Sam skimmed his thumb over Dean's left wrist and Dean hissed in pain.

"Sorry man, but I gotta check you over." He quickly skimmed over Dean, noticing with some worry the small cut on his forehead that was bleeding profusely and it had an accompanying bump. The wendigo had knocked Dean out and his forehead wasn't happy about it. He quickly checked over his little brother and noticed that Dean's right arm was strained. He'd probably pulled something. Sam frowned with worry and went back to analyzing Dean's wrists. Dean had been hanging there for probably around half an hour, maybe longer. Sam swore under his breath. He was the older brother; he was supposed to be looking after Dean. He should have gotten there quicker, shouldn't have let Dean get taken in the first place.

Dean seemed to sense what Sam was thinking because he gently pulled his wrists from Sam's grip and said, "It's okay Sammy. I'm fine. It wasn't your fault." Sam didn't reply. He turned around when he heard a chocked sob. It was Hailey; she'd found Tommy.

Sam looked back to Dean, unsure whether or not he should go help her.

"Go." Dean ordered, so Sam did. He got up and walked over to Hailey who was crying her younger brother's name and reaching for him. Sam felt for her, he knew how it felt to see your little brother strung up in here; it didn't feel good. Especially since Tommy had been there for days and was most likely dead.

"Tommy?" She asked quietly. Suddenly Tommy's head shot up and he his eyes opened wide, looking around wildly. He was alive. Hailey screamed and took a few steps back. Sam spared a glance at Dean, who'd jumped when Hailey had screamed. After making sure Dean was all right Sam turned back to Tommy. Sam cut him down and he and Hailey caught him. Tommy was limp between them, and barely comprehensive.

"Watch your legs." Sam advised, but Tommy paid no attention to him. His sole focus was on his siblings.

"Hailey. Ben." There was nothing but relief in Tommy's barely audible voice, and a small smile split his grime covered face. Sam almost smiled along with him. He'd decided long ago not to mention the blood.

"Check it out." Dean muttered from across the room. Sam stared him down, and noticed with some alarm that Dean was standing but swaying. He shouldn't have been standing on his own, but since Sam couldn't just drop Tommy he had to let that one go. Sam's eyes instead darted to the flare guns in Dean's hands and he chuckled once more at Dean's genius.

"Those'll work."

SPN

As they walked down the tunnel, Hailey and Sam holding Tommy up with Ben next to Hailey and Dean out front, Sam noticed Dean kept grabbing his right arm. His gun arm. Sam decided not to mention it until later. They heard the growling again and Sam gave up his position to Ben, and instead joined Dean, gun at the ready, in the front.

"Looks like someone's home for supper." Dean mused aloud.

"We'll never out run it." Hailey piped up from behind. Sam's face adopted a no shit expression, and he noticed Dean turn around and look at her. She couldn't have possibly been more obvious.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Dean asked. Oh Sam knew what he was thinking; he just thought it was stupid.

He didn't say that though, couldn't, because they were out of options.

"Yeah, I think so." He replied instead.

"All right, listen to me, stay with Sam, he's going to get you out of here." Dean said, turning around to face the siblings behind them.

"What are you going to do?" Hailey asked and Sam cringed. Dean just winked.

"It's chow time you freakin' bastard!" Dean shouted as he headed down the tunnel opposite the one Sam was going to take.

"Yeah, that's right! Bring it on baby! I taste good!"

Sam really couldn't decide whether or not smacking his brother upside the head for this stupid but brilliant plan was a good idea.

Instead he just led the siblings through the tunnels, his gun ready in case the wendigo stopped by. He had long since stopped hearing Dean's voice, and was desperately worried.

When the growling became too loud for Sam's liking he sent the siblings down one of the tunnels with light at the end, and hid behind a wall, waiting for the wendigo.

"Come on, come on." Sam muttered. The phrase _be careful what you wish for_ passed through his head several times when he realized the growling had stopped but that he could hear breathing. He turned to the left warily and immediately saw the wendigo in all its beastly glory. It was tall thin and bony. It's shriveled, too lose skin was an ugly gray color. It's hair was nothing more than a few wisps of gray-white nothing on top of its wrinkled head. The wendigo was thinner than bone and was just a few hairs short of being a walking skeleton; it was already a walking corpse.

Sam fired off a shot, and missed by a few inches. Not shocking, he'd never been the marksmen Dean was. In the end it didn't matter though, because he'd already taken off after the siblings as fast as he could go.

"HURRY, HURRY, HURRY, GO!" He shouted as he ran after them. They started going as fast as they could down the tunnel, which wasn't very fast considering Tommy still needed help. The wendigo was merely jogging towards them, and Sam knew it was baiting them. It could have been on top of them in seconds, and he wouldn't have been able to do much, if anything, to stop it.

Apparently it liked playing with its food.

They ran as fast and as far as they could, turning at every opportunity in random directions. But despite his best efforts eventually Sam hit a dead end.

"Get behind me." He ordered, and shoved himself in front of the three siblings. He spread his arms out in front of them as the wendigo approached. If he was going down, he was going down with a fight all the while doing the best he could to save those people.

The wendigo approached, its sunken eyes fixed on Sam, and roared.

"HEY!" It was Dean. Goddammit it was Dean.

The wendigo turned sharply, but before he could even turn all the way Dean had fired the flare gun, hitting it right in the stomach. The wendigo caught fire immediately, its shriveled skin bursting into flame. It screamed and roared as it burned, until finally all that was left was ash.

"Not bad huh?" Dean asked, but his expression was off. It wasn't a cocky satisfied smirk, no; instead there was only a stoic expression with hard green eyes that glared through the darkness. It was the expression he'd worn when killing the wendigo. The expression only lasted for a moment however, before Dean's mouth split into a grin. Sam grinned back and even laughed a little.

He noticed Dean swaying a moment before his brother took a header. Sam rushed to catch him and scanned him worriedly. His head wound was still bleeding, and he might have had a concussion. Sam chastised himself for not looking sooner.

"You all right Dean?" He asked. Thankfully the Collins siblings were having a happy reunion finally on their own on the other side of the cave so he could talk to Dean without being overheard.

"'M fine Sammy." Sam wasn't even a little convinced. He gripped his brother's waist once more, and slung Dean's arm over his shoulder. Dean had been around 5'6" when Sam had left, and he'd grown plenty since then, probably brushing 6 foot with still a few inches to go, but he was still shorter than Sam by a lot so Sam had to lean down to sling Dean's arm over his shoulder. He held Dean up right and looked back to the family in the corner who were content with just enjoying each other's company. Sam knew though that they needed paramedics ASAP. Dean was still woozy, Hailey needed her wrists checked out, and Tommy looked about ready to collapse. Whether it was from blood loss, dehydration, malnutrition, or just plain exhaustion, Sam wasn't sure, but he knew whatever it was, it needed a doctor.

"Ben, go back to the cave where we found Dean, Hailey, and Tommy and grab our packs. Roy had a satellite phone. Bring it here." Sam ordered, shifting to better carry Dean, who was quickly becoming more and more compliant in Sam's arms. Ben did as he was told and came back five minutes later with the phone. Sam grabbed it and they hauled ass out of the mine. When they were out Sam dialed 911.

"911 what is your emergency?" The woman on the line asked.

"I'm in the woods with some friends, and there's been a bear attack. My friend's really badly hurt, and my brother's not doing too well either. We can get out on our own, but we need medical attention sent to the Lost Creek national park building."

"All right sir, we'll be there as soon as we can, call again if you need more help." Sam hung up and began the trek back to civilization.

SPN

When they finally got back to civilization it was almost midnight. The walk back had taken twice as long as the walk coming had because Tommy and Dean were nearly incapacitated, Tommy especially.

When they did get back, Dean let the medics look over him, but didn't show them his wrists. Most likely because being bound from the ceiling didn't exactly fit with the whole bear attack excuse. He'd even asked Hailey if she'd wait until she was at the hospital and they were gone. She'd agreed. Hers weren't that bad anyway.

They said goodbye quickly, Dean received a kiss on the cheek from Hailey, and then they sat on the hood of the Impala watching the ambulance pull away. The medics had decided that Dean wasn't concussed, he was just exhausted and feeling the effects of blood loss. They'd stitched him up and told Sam with plenty of rest he'd be fine. Dean was getting plenty of rest all right. In fact, Sam was going to make sure his brother didn't see the outside of a motel room for at least two days.

The first thing Dean said after the ambulance pulled away was, "Man I hate camping." Sam nodded absent mindedly.

"Me too."

"Sam, you know we're going to find Dad right?" That was Dean again, trying to reassure him. The sense of wrong that came with that for Sam was almost over whelming. He should be the one saying this. Not Dean.

"Yeah I know." He replied. "But in the meantime, I'm driving." Sam said with a smirk. It took Dean all of two seconds to toss Sam the keys and head for the passenger side door. Sam's smile faded. Dean being compliant meant one thing: Dean was hurt, and at this point, it was probably both emotional and physical.

SPN

When they finally got back to the motel room all Dean wanted to do was lie on a bed, and pass out; Sam didn't let him. Instead he sat Dean down on the bed furthest from the door and said, "Wrists."

"Sam." Dean whined.

"You didn't let the medics look at them, so let me see." Dean rolled his eyes but shrugged off his jacket and gave up his wrists anyway. They looked worse in the light. Mangled and bloody, the shape of the rope still firmly etched into the skin. Sam sighed, why was it always his baby brother that got hurt? Sam opened the med kit and pulled out the alcohol and bandages. He put a bowl under Dean's hands and poured the alcohol on his wrists. Dean squeezed his eyes shut and hissed in pain.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry. It's all right Dean. It's okay." He gently dried Dean's wrists and wrapped them carefully and precisely. When he was finished he examined the bandages once more before nodding.

"All right Dean, get some sleep." Dean nodded and without another word he was out like a light. Sam was about to get into bed when he noticed Dean shivering.

"Jerk forgot the covers again." Sam sighed. It happened more often than not, Sam had noticed, Dean went to bed bone tired and passed out his bed without taking anything off, and without covers. Sam walked to the edge of Dean's bed and pulled off his little brother's shoes. He then threw the covers over Dean and tucked them carefully around Dean's shoulders. Only then did he go to bed, jacket and shoes off, he decided to take a page out of Dean's book and not change into pajamas.

Sam rubbed his eyes desperately. Images kept flashing through his mind. Jess on the ceiling, and Dean hanging unconscious in the mine were really the stars of the show. However memories from old hunts resurfaced every now and then to add to the torture. Sam opened his eyes with yet another sigh. He really wanted to sleep, but he kept thinking about Dean hanging in the mine. It had been dark and Dean had been unconscious, and for a moment it had looked like Dean was dead. Stone cold dead; wendigo food. Sam shuddered at the thought. Dean should never have been in that position, ever. He shouldn't have been when he was younger, and shouldn't have been then. Dean was still a kid in Sam's eyes, and kids shouldn't be hanging from the ceilings of abandoned mine shaft's waiting to be eaten alive.

Sam turned to look at his sleeping brother. Dean always looked more innocent when he slept, or when he was unconscious. The worry lines thinned out, and his slim shorter (then Sam at least) frame made him look much younger than his 18 years. Sam once again cursed John Winchester for bringing them into the life. He should have moved on and raised them as normally as he could, not brought them into this world of constant death and pain. He shouldn't have brought a 4 year old and a 6 month old into this life. Dean should be excited about his first year at whatever college he'd decided to go to, and Sam should be working on law school, and their father should be at a house, in one state, worrying about his cholesterol and enjoying a kid free house for the first time in 22 years, but no. Instead Dean was lying passed out in a motel bed because he couldn't get any kind of regular sleep and he was exhausted from being kidnapped, hung from a ceiling, and almost eaten alive. And it was one of his better days. Sam was worrying about himself and his brother, after having just watched his girlfriend burn on the ceiling like his mother did when he was 4. And their Dad was God knew where doing God knew what for God knew what reason; all Sam knew was that he'd been purposely ignoring his sons. One of which had just turned 18.

Sam gripped the pillow tightly. When they found their father he was going to be very lucky if he survived the encounter without a few dozen broken bones, and infinite deafness due to the screaming match Sam was definitely going to start.

Sam looked once more at Dean and promised himself and the rest of the world that he would protect his baby brother from everything the world had to offer, even their father.


	3. Dead In The Water Epilogue

AN: So I am going to skip a few episodes, not many, but some. In place of a rewrite of the episode, I've decided to put a brotherly moment in, and use them to answer questions from previous 'episodes'.

AN: For those of you who didn't notice the change in chapter one; Mary now burned above Dean's crib when he was 6 months old.

SPN

Sam walked into the motel room completely exhausted. Their most recent hunt, a haunting in Lake Manitoc, had been a tasking one. Not physically, neither of them had sustained any real injuries, but emotionally it had been bad. A particularly vengeful ghost of a little boy who had been drowned several years ago by the town sheriff and his friend was coming back to kill everyone involved with the drowning, but not before he killed their loved ones.

Sam and Dean had managed to save the sheriff's daughter and grandson, but the man himself had been killed. Drowned by the young boy he'd accidentally killed years before. The spirit was gone, and the woman and her son were all right though. Thank God for small favors.

More than that though the boy had lost his father before Sam and Dean had gotten there, and Dean had connected to him. Talking about how he'd lost his mom before he'd even gotten to know her. Sam had been particularly pissy the day before the hunt and had argued with Dean over their Dad too, so Dean had had a very emotionally tasking few days.

Sam dumped his duffle bag on the bed just as Dean walked in. Dean put his duffle down, and for a moment just stood there with his back to Sam, not saying a thing. Eventually he turned around and Sam noticed how anguished his face was. It made Sam physically ache for his little brother. Dean looked so completely distraught, and more than a little sad.

He sat down on the bed with his head bowed and Sam sat across from him. He waited while Dean gathered himself. Sam knew there was something Dean wanted to say, but wasn't sure if he should say it. Finally Dean's head rose and he looked at Sam.

"Sammy?"

"Yeah Dean?"

"What was mom like?"

That one hit Sam clear out of left field, though in all honesty it shouldn't have. Sam smiled a sad smile. Dean had been six months old when their mother had burned on the ceiling above his crib, and Sam had been 4. He didn't remember their mother as much as their father did, or as much as he'd like to, but he was the only one who'd ever answer Dean's questions when he asked about her.

"She was amazing Dean. You look a lot like her. She was blonde too, but your hair's darker. Probably from Dad. She had green eyes like you too. Really green, just like yours." It was no secret to any of them that Dean looked like Mary, while Sam looked like John. In fact, when Dean had first started showing signs of looking like their mother, John had made him get a hair-cut and hadn't been able to look him in the eyes for weeks. Sam had been more than a little pissed, and Dean had been so sure that he'd done something wrong it had broken Sam's heart. Eventually when Dean broke down and asked John what he'd done, John had looked Dean in the eye again and told him he'd done nothing wrong. Nothing at all, that Daddy was just feeling a little down. Dean had given their father a big toothy grin and an even bigger hug. Sam almost cringed at the thought of his brother so young and innocent. That had changed all too quickly. In fact, Dean almost never was innocent. His innocence had been lost when he'd been seven and a shtriga had attacked Sam and Dean hadn't been able to shoot it because he'd been too scared. John had been livid when he'd gotten back, and he'd ripped into Dean. Screaming how could you, and that brotherly protection goes both ways, and that he didn't deserve to be protected if he couldn't repay the sentiment. Sam had tried to stop him, but he'd only been 11 and had been no match for John Winchester's rage.

"What else?" Dean asked, his voice small.

"She made the best damn pie in the world. I honestly prefer cake, you know that, but Mom's pie was better than anything. I'm sure that's where you get your taste for it." Sam remembered the pie with a smile, a smile Dean shared instantly. Pie was most definitely Dean's preference; something else he'd gotten from their mother. Even for never having known her Dean was a lot more like Mary than Sam ever was or ever would be. No, Sam was more like John if he was being honest.

"I remember something else too. I don't know if I ever told you this, I thought after a while that it was ridiculous, you know with everything we hunt, but every night, without fail, Mom would go into your nursery, and she'd tell you angels were watching over you." Dean looked down again. Sam didn't think he'd ever told Dean that. He knew he should have before then, but he'd always thought it was ridiculous. Angels? In the world of nothing but horrific monsters? Sam knew it wasn't true, that there was no possible way. But Dean had never known she'd said that, and Sam realized then that it had been wrong to keep it from him. Dean never knew their mother; he needed all the detail he could get.

Dean didn't look up when he started talking again.

"I didn't know that."

"I know, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you Dean. I should have. It was wrong not to." Dean nodded. His hands were fiddling in his lap again. Sam knew this was a sign that Dean wanted to say something, something important.

"Is there anything you wanna ask?" Dean asked. Sam sure as hell hadn't been expecting that.

"What?"

"Well I asked you something, so it's only fair if you ask me something." Sam recognized this for what it was. Dean wanted to talk to him about what had happened in the past three years, but he didn't want to start the conversation. He probably didn't know how to either.

"Okay, um, when Dad left, did he…" Sam trailed off, not sure where exactly to start. "Did he leave you money, you know, for food and stuff?" It was a question that had been burning in his mind for a while now, ever since Dean had confessed some of the hardships of the past three years during the wendigo hunt.

Dean nodded.

"Yeah, he did. I mean, he wasn't about to leave me with nothing. But…"

"But what?"

"Well he never really knew how long he'd be gone. So usually he'd give me whatever he had on him that he could spare, then he'd tell me if it ran out before he got back to just get a job and figure it out." Sam swallowed down his rage. He couldn't interrupt Dean. He'd leave his not so docile response for when Dean was done. "And I did, most times anyway. I'd get a job, usually at the local garage. It was harder when he first left, but as I got older it got easier to get jobs. I usually made enough money for the motel rooms or apartments or whatever I was staying in. Food too, but sometimes it was too much money, and I couldn't make enough in time, so I'd go for a while without eating. I mean, it's not like I ate much to begin with, but still." Sam stared at his little brother in horror.

"Did Dad know what was going on?" _What he was doing to you._

"I never told him, it wasn't important."

It took all of Sam's will power not to explode then and there. Dean obviously didn't think he was worth the trouble. Well that was just something Sam needed to fix right the fuck now.

"Don't say that Dean. It was important." _You are important. _"You were going hungry Dean. That's not okay. Dad should have been there to feed you. You were a kid Dean." Dean bristled.

"I'm not a kid Sam. I wasn't then, and I'm not now." Dean's eyes were dark and glaring. He was getting defensive because he didn't want to feel hurt, but Sam knew he was.

"Regardless, you shouldn't have been going hungry when you had a perfectly capable father to feed you. It's not right Dean. Most 15 year olds don't go hungry because their father neglects to send them money for _food_." Dean didn't even rise to the accusation. He just seemed to wilt before Sam's eyes; completely defeated. Sam was pretty sure it was the word neglect that got to him. Dean _had _been neglected, and now that he'd heard it out loud and couldn't deny it, he was done, just done trying to put up a facade of nonchalance.

"I wasn't most 15 year olds Sam."

"Maybe not, but you do have a father Dean, and he should have been there to help you. You shouldn't have been put in that position, you shouldn't have needed to do any of that, and I am so, so sorry that you had to, and that I wasn't there to help you." Dean had looked down again.

"You didn't know Sam."

"No, but if I'd bothered to call I would have." Dean actually flinched at that. Sam realized what a sore subject this was for Dean. He'd been abandoned by the both of them, but he didn't want to admit it.

Sam sat next to Dean and pulled him into a hug. More physical contact, just what Dean needed. He fisted his hands in Sam's shirt and clung to his big brother for dear life. Sam responded by holding him tighter, and rubbing his arm soothingly.

"I'm sorry Dean, I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry Dad wasn't there. I'm sorry you were alone. It shouldn't have been that way. I know I've said this before, but I will make it up to you. I'm never going to leave you again. You hear me? Never. I don't care what happens I will always take care of you, all right?" Dean nodded into Sam's chest. Sam started to feel wet spots on his shirt; more silent crying.

Sam rubbed Dean's arm and continued to hold him. All the while whispering a soothing mantra to him.

"It's okay. I've got you. It's okay, I promise. It's all right. It's going to be all right." Sam stayed there with Dean long after the tears stopped, and when Dean fell asleep, Sam didn't move. It was his job as the older brother to make sure his little brother was safe and okay. It was a job he'd neglected for 3 years. It was a job he was determined never to fail at ever again.

SPN

The nightmares were back on their usual course. Sam was laying in bed, his eyes closed, only to feel something drip onto his forehead. His eyes opened and there was Jess, his beautiful, wonderful, amazing girlfriend, soon to be fiancé, pinned to the ceiling. The silent scream forever plastered on her beautiful face. The dark red blood dripping from her abdomen. Her blonde hair spread around her face like a halo. Then the fire started. It engulfed her, and Sam was pulled from his bed by Dean. He screamed and shoved at Dean, shouting at him to move, that he could still save her. This time though, Sam succeeded in shoving Dean away hard enough that he fell backwards into the flames. Dean screamed his name as he burned. Screamed at Sam to help him, to save him.

"SAM!"

Sam awoke with a start. He was sweating and panting and all around completely frazzled. Dean's face was so close their noses were almost touching.

"Sam?"

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Personal space."

Dean backed up immediately.

"Sorry." He mumbled.

"It's okay." Sam rubbed at his groggy eyes, trying desperately to get the images of both his girlfriend and his little brother burning out of his mind.

"Another nightmare?" Dean asked. Sam nodded.

"Yep."

"You wanna talk about it?" Sam considered saying no, he did not want to talk about the way Jess looked pinned to the ceiling, or the way Dean looked while he was burning alive, screaming at Sam to save him. But one look at Dean and Sam knew he couldn't do that. Their trust was wavering as it was, and if he didn't tell Dean now, Dean might think Sam didn't trust him.

"Sure." Sam replied. Dean sat on the other bed and watched Sam, waiting for him to start.

"It was Jess again. She was on the ceiling, again. She was burning, and I- I couldn't do anything. Then you were there, you were trying to pull me out. I was fighting you, but you just kept pulling. I shoved you, and you fell. Into the fire. And I was just standing there. I couldn't move. I was just standing there, watching you burn." Sam's voice cracked. He'd just watched his brother burning alive, he was just slightly distressed. Dean put a hand on Sam's knee, reassuring Sam that he was there, solid and real; alive. He was sitting right there, not burning back in Palo Alto.

"I'm okay Sammy. You and I got out. We're both okay. Jess, she would have wanted you to be okay Sammy. And you are, and so am I." Dean wasn't the best with the sharing feelings thing. Sam knew that at least that hadn't changed. But Dean was trying, and that in and of itself was making Sam feel better. Sam smiled.

"I know Dean." Dean grinned.

"Good, now come on, I'm hungry and you've got the money." Sam chuckled and got up to take a shower. When he finished Dean was dressed and shaking his leg impatiently.

"Come on Sammy hurry up!" Dean whined. Sam laughed and got dressed. Dean just being Dean was enough to make him feel ten times better than he had that morning.

"All right, let's go." Dean shot out of the motel room with his duffle and Sam followed with his own. Dean got in the front seat of the Impala and put in an ACDC tape.

"Let's go to a diner in the next town over and see if we can find any hot waitresses. Ooh! And pie!" Dean's voice was light and his eyes shined with mirth. Sam laughed again as Dean turned up the tape and started singing a completely out of tune rendition of ACDC's Problem Child.

"I'm a problem child! I'm a problem child! Oh yes I am. I'm a problem child! And I'm wild." Sam laughed as Dean sung probably the worst version of the song Sam had ever heard. At the moment however, Sam was pretty sure it was the best thing he'd heard in a while.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!


	4. Phantom Traveler

**Inverse Operations: Phantom Traveler**

Sam had decided that sleep was for the weak. Which was why at 5:30 am he had not slept at all, and was currently going to get coffee for himself and Dean. He'd been up all night, watching crap TV, and keeping himself from drifting off. Who knew Dean's insomnia was contagious? Dean, who had gone to bed at 3 because Sam had finally laid down the law and made him. What a pair they made. Sam pulled up at the local coffee shop and bought some donuts, a triple loaded with cream and sugar for himself and a single black coffee for Dean.

When Sam pulled back up to the motel it was 5:45. He'd already decided to get Dean up already, even if he needed the sleep. Dean would hate him for it, Sam was sure, but he wanted someone to talk to and besides, the coffee would get cold. Then Dean would _really _hate him.

When he opened the door he stood there for a second, having noticed Dean's hand under the pillow. Sam knew he was most likely clutching the giant silver knife he insisted on keeping under there. He walked out from behind the glass wall and took a sip of his coffee.

"Morning sunshine." He greeted in his most charming 'I'm totally a morning person' voice, even though he felt like absolute shit. Dean groaned and looked up, while not so discretely pulling his hand out from under his pillow.

"What time is it?" He asked. Sam almost laughed at his appearance. Deans green eyes were squinted and groggy, and his hair was flattened on one side and mussed up on the other.

"It's about 5:45." Sam replied, doing his best imitation of 'I'm so not tired, and I can totally stand up on my own thank you very fucking much'.

"In the morning?" Dean's voice was more than slightly pissed, just as Sam had suspected.

"Yep."

"Where does the day go?" He replied sarcastically, and with another groan was sitting up on the bed. Dean rubbed his eyes, then stared at Sam. Sam got the uncomfortable feeling that he was being scrutinized.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" Dean asked, though they both already knew the answer.

"Yeah, I grabbed a couple hours." Sam was a really bad liar, and Dean knew it.

"Liar. See I was up at 3, and you were watching the beginning of the George Foreman infomercial." Dean was giving him that face that clearly said, 'Don't bullshit a bullshitter Sammy'. Sam shrugged and held up his food laden hands in defeat.

"What can I say, it's riveting TV. And it's not like you're any better. I had to practically shove your ass into bed last night." Dean opened his mouth to reply, then shut it. He knew Sam was right. They both needed more sleep, and they both knew it, but neither one of them could stop with the insomnia. Sam still wasn't even sure why Dean had his, and until he found out there was nothing he could do for his little brother other than make him go to bed when he stayed up too late.

"When's the last time you got a good night's sleep?" Dean asked. Sam sighed; it didn't matter to Dean if he wasn't sleeping right, as long as big brother was okay. Sam knew this, but hated it more and more every time it was proven. For some reason Dean's overall concern revolved around Sam and their father, none was saved for himself.

"I don't know, little while I guess. It's no big deal." Sam replied without looking at him.

"Yeah it is."

"Look I appreciate your concern-"

"Oh I'm not concerned about you. It's your job to keep my ass alive, so I need you sharp." Dean cut him off. Sam just rolled his eyes. Dean was concerned, very concerned, but Sam didn't want him to be.

"Trust me Sam, this insomnia thing…" Dean trailed off and swallowed hard. His eyes grew dark as he looked down at his lap. "It's not good." Sam almost asked him then and there how he knew that, but before he got the chance Dean continued to talk.

"Seriously though, you still having nightmares about Jess?" Dean asked, all earlier darkness gone from his face.

Sam sighed in defeat and sat across from him.

"Yeah." Better to go with the truth than a half-assed lie when it came to the youngest Winchester. He handed Dean his coffee before continuing. "But it's not just her it's everything. I just forgot you know? This job- man it gets to you."

"Well you can't let it, you can't bring it home like that." Dean took a long pull from his coffee and Sam was reminded with a pang that he shouldn't have woken Dean up. He needed sleep too, and he'd been going on a lot less for a lot longer than Sam had. Sam knew he needed to know where Dean got his insomnia, and he figured he could start with a seemingly normal assumption.

"So, what? All this- it never keeps you up at night?" Sam asked. He tried to keep the suspicion out of his tone. Was this why Dean never slept? Because he was in constant fear of the things that came with the job- with the life? Dean shook his head. Of course not.

"Really? You're never afraid?" Sam asked skeptically. Dean shook his head again.

"No, not really." Sam scoffed and reached under Dean's pillow. He pulled out the large silver bowie knife that Dean always kept under his pillows. When Sam had started hunting with Dean again it was one of the first things he'd noticed. How Dean always had some kind of protection with him wherever he went, even when he was asleep. It unnerved Sam a little that his little brother felt the need to constantly be able to protect himself, almost like he thought Sam couldn't protect him.

Dean plucked the knife from Sam's hand.

"That's not fear. That is precaution." He said, dumping the knife back on his pillow.

"All right, whatever, I'm too tired to argue." Sam replied. He took a large chug of coffee and relished the alertness that came with the caffeine. He was pretending not to notice Dean's concerned gaze when Dean's phone rang. Dean grabbed it and looked at the number, then at Sam. There was a curious look in his eyes and Sam just shrugged. He didn't know who it was either. He thought for a fleeting moment that it might be John. That maybe he'd get to yell at their father to get his ass over there and apologize for making them soldiers and abandoning Dean, but Sam knew that was a stupid pointless hope.

Dean flipped open the phone and answered with a blunt, "Hello?"

Sam grabbed a donut and started eating all the while watching Dean on the phone. Dean still looked confused and Sam couldn't hear whoever was on the other end of the phone, but whoever was talking didn't seem to be anybody Dean knew. That was until recognition lit Dean's eyes and he replied to the man on the phone.

"Oh right, yeah, up in Kittanning Pennsylvania, the poltergeist thing." Sam shot Dean a confused look, but didn't miss the look of pride on Dean's face when he talked about the case. "It's not back is it?" Dean asked with a more serious look on his face. He listened to the man talk for a while, and the curious look on his face just continued to grow.

"What is it?" He asked eventually. Dean nodded suddenly.

"Yeah all right. We can be there in a couple of hours. All right, see ya Jerry." He flipped the phone shut and looked up at Sam.

"Who was that?" Sam asked immediately.

"I'll tell you when we get in the car."

Once Dean had showered and changed, and Sam had packed the car they got in the Impala and Dean started to drive.

"So, are you going to tell me what happened?" Sam asked after they'd been in the car for all of 30 seconds. Dean nodded.

"If you give me a glazed." Sam laughed shortly and pulled a glazed donut out of the box he'd brought earlier and handed it to Dean. He polished off the donut quickly and Sam realized with a frown that Dean was probably starving.

"All right, well, it was about a year after you left. I was in school in, uh, Louisiana I think. Dad had been gone for a few weeks, but he showed up one day after school. He said he'd caught wind of a haunting up in Pennsylvania and that he couldn't get anyone else so he needed me to go." Sam caught the hurt look in Dean's eyes. There was no doubt in his mind that Dean was hurt by their father's insinuation that Dean was a last resort for him. That other people could do the job better, even when John himself had raised and trained Dean. Sam was just angry that John felt he had any right to pull Dean back into the hunt like that. So suddenly and without any regard to anything that might have been going on in Dean's life

"So I went with him. There was a guy there, Jerry Panowski, his house was being haunted by a poltergeist. Dad and I went in and cleared it out. No big deal, thing was nasty though. Almost took my head off, threw Dad through a window too." Dean got a faraway look in his eyes, like he was remembering something. Suddenly he shivered and Sam frowned. Dean chewed his bottom lip and glanced at Sam. Sam knew there was more to the story immediately.

"There something else you wanna tell me?" Sam asked. Dean continued to stare at him, conflict lighting his eyes. Worry too. He wasn't sure whether or not to tell Sam about what happened because he didn't know how he'd react to it.

"No, nothing."

"Dean…"

"It was nothing."

Dean turned up the radio and Sam knew his chances of finding out what happened were over. He wanted to punch a hole through the Impala's windshield. Their Dad had done something, Sam was sure. Something Dean didn't think he'd approve of. That could only mean one of two things. A; their father had done something stupid and it involved an innocent person, or B; their father had done something stupid, and it had involved Dean. Sam knew which one made him angrier. He also knew that this was why Dean didn't want to tell him. Sam now knew, without a doubt, that their father had done something stupid involving Dean.

SPN

After the silent drive over Dean stopped the car in the parking lot of an airport. Sam was surprised; they didn't visits airports often. Sam was sure it was because Dean and their father would never even dream of leaving the Impala.

"He works here." Dean supplied as Sam looked around. Sam nodded. Dean walked toward an entrance no one was using, one that said staff only. He knocked on the door and almost immediately a short older but not old man walked up and opened the door. He was wearing khakis and a white work shirt with a tie. His hair was a graying brown, and he was balding. He quirked a relieved smile when he saw Dean.

"Hey Dean. Who's this?" He asked, looking at Sam. Dean looked back at Sam before answering.

"That's my older brother, Sam." Jerry's smile grew.

"Oh nice. Good to meet you Sam." He held out his hand and Sam took it.

"You too."

"Come on inside boys." They walked into the building and Sam noticed immediately that they weren't in any of the regular parts of the airport. They were in a workshop area of sorts. Bits and pieces of planes were all over the place, some being worked on, and some just there.

"Thanks for making the trip so quick." Jerry started as he walked next to Sam. Dean was trailing behind looking around at the various pieces of plane. "I ought to be doing you guys a favor, not the other way around. Dean and your Dad really helped me out." Jerry spoke with something akin to pride in his voice. Sam didn't fail to notice that he sounded incredibly grateful too.

"Yeah, he told me. It was a poltergeist?" Sam asked with no disbelief in his voice. He didn't doubt his family's skills. It was just that a part of him, small and stupid as it may be, was still hoping that Dean was lying and that he hadn't actually been put in that much danger when he was 16.

"Poltergeist? Man I love that movie!" One of the workmen shouted. Jerry shot him a withering glare.

"Hey nobody's talking to you, keep walking!" Jerry snapped. Sam almost laughed; he was beginning to like the guy, and Sam didn't miss the grin on Dean's face. It almost looked like he'd missed the guy. Jerry turned back to Sam.

"Damn right it was a poltergeist- practically tore our house apart." He glanced back at Dean.

"Tell you something- if it wasn't for you and your Dad, I probably wouldn't be alive." Jerry said as he walked ahead. Sam was left walking next to Dean who shot him a pride filled grin. He was happy, Sam realized. Dean had no misgivings over the potential danger of the hunt he'd been forced into. Whatever John had done didn't matter to him, he was just honest to God glad to have been able to help this man and his family. Sam hadn't seen Dean look that happy in a while. _Dean really does belong in this life. _Sam realized. Dean relished not only the hunt, but also his ability to save people. He loved what he did, he didn't care about the danger, he just honestly loved what he did, and he was never going to stop. Sam didn't know whether to be proud of his little brother, or really really worried.

"So your Dad said you were at college, is that right?" Jerry asked suddenly, and Sam caught up with him again. Dean once again decided to stay back and tag along behind them.

"Yeah," Sam answered, "I was. I'm… Taking some time off." He swallowed thickly. He really hoped that was all this was, and not just him dropping out, never to see the Stanford campus ever again.

"Well he was real proud of you, I could tell. He talked about you all the time." That one shocked Sam. It took him completely by surprise and shook him to the core. John Winchester, the same man who'd thrown him out of the house for going to college, was proud of him? Had talked all about him?

"He did?" Sam was completely and utterly shocked. There were no other words for it. He noticed Dean's slightly sad look that clearly said I told you so. Sam was suddenly brought back to that night on the bridge during their first hunt back together. Back to Dean's words when he'd pinned Sam to the side of the bridge, his eyes a burning fury.

_You think I don't hear that all the time?! Why can't you be smart like Sammy Dean?_

All the time? Sam wasn't completely sure of anything, mostly because he didn't want to be, but he was pretty sure that meant that even when Dean had seen their father he'd been comparing Dean to Sam. After all Sam was the oldest, the smarter of the two book wise, the one who'd graduated and gone off to college. Maybe their father had wanted Dean to be more like Sam, despite how he'd raised them both. Maybe he'd gotten drunk and compared Dean to Sam and after he'd seen it he couldn't un-see it. Maybe all this time Sam had been away, Dean had been forced to try and live up to his big brother. To put his feet in a path that Sam had already walked; a path that didn't quite fit him.

Sam suddenly had overwhelming feelings of pity and guilt for his little brother. All that time Sam had been trying to force Dean into his life, his normal, and now he realized their father had been trying to do the same. But as Sam had realized earlier it wasn't for Dean. He didn't want that normal, didn't crave it, didn't think about it all the time. Not only had he been abandoned, but he'd also been compared to someone he could never and would never want to be, and it was completely and utterly unfair.

"Yeah, you bet he did." He turned to Dean suddenly, who was looking away, looking anywhere but Sam. "Oh hey, you know I tried to get ahold of him, but I couldn't. How's he doing anyway?" Jerry asked, seemingly oblivious to the sudden tension between the brothers.

Dean looked quickly to Sam before looking away again; staring down at the floor as he talked.

"He's, um, wrapped up in a job right now." Dean's lie was convincing, and Sam didn't hear any breaks in his voice. Dean was getting better at lying through his teeth, and that worried Sam. How long would it be before Dean could so easily lie to him?

"Well, we're missing the old man. We get Sam. Even trade, huh?" Jerry was just trying to lighten the mood Sam knew, but he saw the momentary falter in Dean's mask. It hadn't been meant that way, they both knew, but Dean didn't seem to be able to take it the right way. He was never compared to either of them in a positive manner, hadn't ever been, Sam realized. But apparently he'd been told plenty of times that he wasn't as good. No wonder Dean's opinion of himself was so low.

The brother's waved off the comparison with a short tense laugh.

"No, not by a long shot." Sam muttered.

"I got something I want you guys to hear." Jerry said, and turned in his otherwise straight foreword path into his office. Sam noticed the man had the annoying ability to change the subject at random.

When they got inside the office Jerry schooled them on the case. A plane had gone down, United Britaina flight 2485, 200 miles south of its take off position. The cock pit recording had plenty of EVP. There were voices and static at the beginning, but by the end there had been nothing but a loud and devilish growling plowing through the speakers. They'd discussed the tape, Sam had asked for passenger manifests, a list of survivors, and Dean had asked to see the wreckage. Jerry could get them the lists, but he had no access to the wreckage. As soon as they were out of the office, Dean came up with a solution for that. They were going to go in to check the wreckage under the guise of homeland security agents. Sam wasn't sure how well the plan was going to work, but Dean was fairly confident. He got them fake ID's as soon as they got out of the airport.

Sam then proceeded to show Dean the EVP from the recording. The inhuman growls ended up saying no survivors. The problem was there had been seven survivors. The first survivor they went to talk to was Max Jaffey. He was in a mental hospital. After talking to him the brothers discovered a man had opened the emergency lock on the door, something no human could do. They also discovered that the man had had black eyes.

The next stop was the house of the guy with the back eyes. Sam had thought that maybe the guy was some kind of monster, but thanks to insight from his wife, all chances of that were cut short. He was completely normal before the flight, aside from acid reflux and being terrified to fly.

Next stop: NTSB warehouse to look at the wreckage. But for that, they needed suits. Something Dean was less than happy about.

When they walked into the tux shop Dean was looking around at the tuxes like he looked at brussels sprouts. With the upmost amount of distain possible.

When they walked in Sam walked right up to the counter where an elderly woman was sitting filling out a crossword puzzle, and looking completely and utterly bored out of her mind. Her name tag read Janice.

"Excuse me, uh, Janice." Sam said as he walked over, a light smile on his face. Dean walked over more carefully, still eyeing the suits with distrust.

Janice's wrinkly face broke into a smile as soon as she saw them. She was a pleasant looking woman, who wore little makeup, and whose gray hair was tied loosely behind her head. Her cheeks were rosy and her smile genuine. She looked like the kind of grandmother who would spoil her grandchildren rotten.

"Oh hello dear! How are you today? Are you looking for a suit?" She asked. Dean scoffed behind Sam, and Sam shot him a glare, before turning back to Janice.

"Yeah, you see our Dad's work is hosting a dinner party and we've been invited. We both need suits. I'm pretty sure I remember my number, but it's been a while since my little brother needed a suit, so I'm going to need some help finding one for him." Sam could practically hear Dean's scowl. Janice smiled even brighter, if that was possible.

"Of course! What are your names?"

"I'm Sam, and that's Dean."

Janice got out from behind the counter and shook hands with Sam before looking over and inspecting Dean.

"Well aren't you a handsome boy! I'm sure you'll look positively dapper in a suit! Make all the ladies swoon huh?" She asked, her smile firmly in place. Dean looked so uncomfortable Sam wanted to laugh.

"Uh, sure?" Sam bit his lip to hold back laughter. Janice had immediately led Dean away, motioning for Sam to follow. She grabbed multiple suits off of racks as they headed to the back of the store. She handed Dean a pile of what seemed to be at least 10 suits. He looked at her with disbelieving and wary green eyes. She simply shooed him off into one of the dressing rooms.

"Try on one then step out and show us. Make sure not to skip any. I counted how many there were boy, I'll know if you miss one." Janice shut Dean in the dressing room with a wink and flourish. Sam heard several muffled curses come from behind the door and his face finally broke out into a grin.

"Now, sweetie, do you know what you need?" She asked Sam politely.

"Uh, yeah, I know. I had a college interview a little while back and I got a suit for that. Sadly that one got lost so I need a new one. I'm ganna go grab it, can you wait for my brother?" He asked and with a pang remembered his old life. His normal life. His life with Jessica and job interviews and law school and without Dean. Sam didn't like that train of thought at all.

Janice just nodded, another brilliant smile lighting her old face.

"Of course dear, just come on back when you've gotten what you need." Sam nodded and headed into the racks, looking around for a suit he liked that fit the criteria of homeland security. There was one in the very back of the store, his size, black, black tie, white shirt, and he grabbed a pair of shoes to match. He was about to grab a pair for Dean when he realized he didn't know Dean's size. Sam stopped dead right then and there. He didn't know Dean's shoe size. It seemed insignificant, but to Sam, it wasn't. Not by a long shot. It was just another symbol of his epic failure from four years ago.

When they were younger and John had been away Sam had done all the shopping. Of course he took Dean with him every time, but he'd been the one with the money, and he'd paid. He remembered very clearly that he always picked out Dean's shoes. Every time Dean's feet outgrew his boots and he needed new ones Sam went to the store immediately and bought Dean a new pair. He'd always measure his little brother himself, and he always got the pair that Dean liked the most. It was a silly little thing that most people over looked but for Sam, each memory was special to him. It was special because for once it was just him looking after his little brother, and buying him new shoes like normal people. Just him and Dean doing something normal that dint' require guns or salt or blood. Granted normally parents bought their kids shoes, but when they were younger it had always been Sam. He remembered the first time he'd done it. Dean had been eight and Sam had been twelve. Their father had gone off on a hunt leaving the two of them alone, but this time had been different. This time their father had turned to Sam and said, "Sammy I'm ganna be gone a little longer this time. I'm not ganna be back for a few days, maybe a week. If you or Dean need something, then you can go get it, but make sure to never let your brother out of your sight Sam." Sam had nodded and promised not to leave Dean alone.

It was two days in when Sam noticed Dean limping. At first he'd freaked out, and tried to figure out if he was injured. Eventually Sam had noticed that Dean's shoes were too small. The eight year olds sneakers were killing his feet and as a result he was limping. Five minutes later they were at the local shoe store. Sam had taken Dean's shoe size and grabbed a pair of cheap sneakers. Dean however had come back with child sized boots. He'd shown them to Sam and said, "I want boots like you and Dad have." The smile that split his young face was enough to make Sam go weak in the knees. Even though the boots had been more expensive than they could really afford Sam had gotten them for Dean, and he'd gotten them a little bit big so he could have them for a while as his feet grew.

When their Dad got back he'd said nothing about the boots, he probably hadn't even noticed they were there (He'd been shit drunk when he'd gotten home and Dean had comforted him for hours after). When he woke up hungover but sober the next morning he'd only asked Sam if everything had gone all right and Sam had said it had been fine. They'd left it at that, but Sam was proud of himself anyway. He'd helped Dean when their father had been gone and then too drunk to care. In addition he'd made Dean smile and that had been more than enough for him.

After that they'd always gone out to get shoes together, and Sam had always bought Dean his. It was an odd little tradition, but it was something Sam could do with Dean that didn't involve killing things or school and it had been nice.

Which was why, as Sam stood staring at the rows of men's dress shoes, he was overcome with an incredible sense of wrong. He should know Dean's shoe size. He always had. It was a small thing they both took for granted, but now that Sam was faced with it again he was hit once more with how much he'd missed.

Three influential years of Dean's life were not present in his memory. Not because they'd been taken, but because they hadn't been there to begin with. Sam swallowed hard. Dean had changed so much in so many ways. Some obvious, some not so obvious. Sam knew, without a doubt, that there were still aspects of Dean he was missing. There were still things he didn't know, and _that_ was oh so very wrong.

"Sam!" He heard Janice's shout and walked back through the isles to where the changing rooms were. What he saw had him smirking immediately. Dean was dressed head to toe in a plain black suit. You couldn't tell, but Sam knew the fabric and quality would be cheap. Dean would have made sure.

The white shirt was tucked in at the waist, and the jacket was left unbuttoned. He wore a long thin black tie, and looked incredibly uncomfortable. In fact his expression was straight up annoyed.

"Doesn't he look positively marvelous Sam?" Janice asked, her eyes sparking with appreciation. Dean huffed and Sam tried not to laugh.

"Yeah Janice he does. Thanks. Can you ring us up? I want to go get Dean some shoes." Janice nodded and walked back through the stacks toward the entrance. Dean however was looking at Sam with a strange look on his face and Sam knew at once that he wasn't the only one who remembered all the shoe stores they'd visited growing up.

There was a slightly uncomfortable silence between them as they walked to the very back of the store. When they reached the shoes Sam turned to Dean, who was scanning his choices warily.

"So, uh," Sam cleared his throat. "What size are you?" He asked. Dean looked up at him, and then looked back at the shoes.

"Uh, I'm a size ten." He muttered. Sam scanned the choices and grabbed a pair of cheap black shoes that were size 10. He handed them to Dean who took them without a word.

"Dean I gotta ask…"

"Yeah?"

"Was it really like that? While I was at Stanford? Did Dad really compare you to me a lot?" Sam hoped to God the answer was no. But when had he ever been that lucky? He got his answer however when Dean's eyes turned dark and he looked away.

"Yeah, I guess. 's not a big deal. Let's go pay." With that he walked off, and Sam had no choice to follow, a frown etched onto his face.

Of course when they got to check out Dean's dark mood had done a complete 180, and he was once again the reluctant teenager buying a suit. They said goodbye to Janice and left the store still dressed in suits.

"Man I look like one of the Blues Brothers." Dean said as soon as they got outside the store. Sam fixed his tie and scanned Dean.

"No you don't. You look more like a seventh grader at his first dance." Sam smirked. Dean looked down at his body with disgust on his face. When he looked up again the disgust was so obvious it was comical.

"I hate this thing."

"Hey, you want into that warehouse or not?" Sam asked. Dean didn't respond and Sam had to try really hard not to laugh.

SPN

When they got to the warehouse they grabbed the badges and Dean grabbed something from the trunk, then they went inside. They showed their badges to the guy at the front desk and Sam was proud of his poker face, and extremely proud of Dean's. The eighteen year old stuck out like a needle in a haystack, but he must have looked like he meant serious business, because the guy just waved them in. They walked into the room at down the hall and the wreckage was revealed. There wasn't much of it left, just bits and pieces of broken plane scattered around in a plane shaped mold. Dean shivered.

"Man this thing was destroyed. How did anyone survive this?" Dean asked while looking around. Sam shrugged.

"No idea." Suddenly Dean pulled what looked like a busted Walkman out of his pocket and put the headphones in his ears.

"What's that?" Sam asked.

"Seriously Sam? Did that three year college excursion shove all that lifesaving stuff outta your brain or something? It's an EMF meter. You know, the thing that reads electromagnetic frequencies?" Dean asked the annoyance and sarcasm clear in his voice. Now Sam was starting to get annoyed as well. He rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I know what an EMF meter is, but why does that one look like a busted up Walkman?" He asked. Dean turned around and gave him a smile, not a shit eating grin, but an honest to God smile. Like he was actually happy and proud of himself. It was something Sam hadn't seen for years. Too many years.

"'Cause that's what I made it out of. It's homemade." He was very proud of himself, but Sam was still too annoyed to respond nicely.

"Yeah, I can see that." Sam replied, his voice laden with sarcasm. Dean's smile faltered, and his expression turned hurt, he glared at Sam and turned around. That wasn't what Sam had meant to say. He'd meant to say he was impressed, really impressed, and that Dean had just revealed himself to be smarter than more than half of Sam's senior class in high school. But all he ended up doing was mocking his little brother and his skills. Dean had plenty of hunting skills, and from what Sam had seen so far Dean was one of the best hunters he'd ever seen, and he'd seen plenty. But what he was surprised, and a little shocked, to see was that Dean had more marketable skills as an engineer. He'd reverse engineered the Walkman and turned it into something completely different that worked. Sam was pretty sure that if he'd expressed this ability in school he could have been accepted to some pretty impressive colleges. _Maybe even MIT. _Sam mused.

He was pulled from his thoughts by a burst of bright red light. Dean had turned on the Walkman turned EMF and was scanning the wreckage. Sam noted the tense shoulders and stiff movement, Dean was still hurt, and a little angry too. Sam swallowed hard, why did he keep screwing up where Dean came into things? How did he keep messing up his little brother? Wasn't that what he was trying to fix in the first place? The damage their father had done? He wasn't supposed to be causing _more _damage.

Suddenly the EMF lit up red and Dean stopped. He moved it around what appeared to be a door handle.

"Check out the emergency door handle." Dean said, running his fingers over it. Sam had the urge to pull Dean's hand away. There was something on the handle, and it was most definitely not good.

"What is this stuff?" Dean asked, rubbing his fingers together and glaring at them.

"One way to find out." Sam replied. He pulled a pocket knife out of his pocket and cut away a piece of the handle, then put it into a small zip-lock bag. Sam felt Dean wipe his hands on his jacket, and he turned around to give Dean a bitchface, but he didn't comment. He'd hurt Dean enough today. Sam zipped the bag and they headed out the back door.

They navigated their way through the back until they were at a corner. Dean looked around the corner and motioned for Sam to follow. They walked briskly away towards the fence that would lead to their freedom. An alarm started to blare. Sam put his hand on Dean's back and they sped up. The fence was lined with barbed wire. Dean threw his jacket over the top of the fence, and with a boost from a pile of boxes they found, jumped over the fence. Sam followed suit. Since he was taller and his arms were longer he was able to reach the flat part of the fence that didn't have barbed wire, and jump over it without cutting his hand.

"These monkey suits do come in handy." Dean mused before they ran off.

SPN

When they got back to Jerry's office he analyzed the piece of handle that Sam had brought back and deduced that the stuff on it was sulfur. Sam had noticed Dean's eyes go wide because they both knew there was pretty much only one thing that it could be at that point: a demon.

When they got back to their motel room the research started immediately. Dean was even helping because he knew that to take on a demon they'd need to know every detail they could get their hands on.

They'd been doing research for an hour when Sam's vision started to go fuzzy. He'd been staring at the computer screen too long and he could hear Dean's stomach from across the room.

"I'm ganna go grab something to eat, you want anything?" Sam asked as he stood up from the table. Dean didn't appear to be listening as he was buried in an old dusty book they'd picked up from the towns library on the way back. Sam rolled his eyes and walked up to Dean.

"Dean?" Dean jumped.

"What?"

"Do you want something to eat?" Sam asked again. Dean looked at the book then back to Sam. He had a guarded look on his face, one Sam couldn't quite decipher.

"No, I'm good." His stomach chose then to give the loudest rumble ever. Sam gave him a bitchface.

"Really Dean?" Dean kept a straight face.

"Really, I'm not hungry." Sam scrubbed his hands across his face. This was too difficult. It was just food? Why was Dean refusing food when he was so obviously hungry?

"Dean, you're obviously hungry, I could hear your stomach from over there. I'm going to get you food, so you might as well pick something or I'm coming back with a salad and you're going to have to eat it."

"Fine. Get me a cheeseburger." Dean grumbled. "And a beer." Sam scoffed.

"Not on your life. You're still eighteen Dean." Sam reminded him, and he was going to stick by that. It didn't matter what Dean was used to, in fact Sam knew he'd had his first beer back when he was eight, and that now he'd probably been drinking freely for at least three years, if not more, but that didn't change the fact that Dean was still only eighteen. To Sam that meant no alcohol for the next three years.

"I'll be nineteen soon." Dean replied in an equally pissed off grumble.

"Doesn't matter. I'm still not buying you anything alcoholic until you're 21 or dying. I'll get you coffee or something."

"Coke."

"Fine, I'll get you coke." Sam grabbed the keys and walked out of the motel room. He got in the car and sighed.

It wasn't that he wasn't used to dealing with Dean, he'd had 15 years of practice after all, it was just that this older, more aware version of Dean was something entirely new. He'd read somewhere that people's personalities developed heavily in their high school years. The three years that Sam had missed entirely. He wasn't used to Dean, he wasn't used to anything involving his brother anymore. His taste for alcohol was something entirely new to Sam. When they'd been little John Winchester hadn't exactly been father of the year, but he'd at least kept a lock on the liquor cabinet so to speak. He hadn't let them drink any more than a taste. There'd been one time for the both of them. When Sam had been eighteen John had let him have his second beer (their first for the both of them had been when Dean was 8 and Sam was 12 by a hunter friend of their Dad's named Fred Jones), the first to their father's knowledge. That same year, about a month later, Dean had been mauled by a black dog. He'd been given a bottle of Johnny Walker and told to hold still while Sam and their father had patched him up. Sam had protested for a hospital the whole way back to the motel, but John hadn't been having any of it. The next morning Dean had woken up with a wicked hangover and an ass load of pain. Sam had made the decision that day that he was leaving for college as soon as he was able. He'd felt bad, but he couldn't have stayed with that constant sense of fear that one morning they'd go on a hunt and come back with one less Winchester. He'd worried in college sure, but after a while his family had slipped to the back of his mind and he'd been able to enjoy his life. Now, however, he felt guilty. What if he'd gotten a call from a hospital one day and they'd told him his father was dead? Or Dean?

Sam shivered at the thought and pulled into the town diner's parking lot. It was called Marcy's. It was small and about as 70s as it could get, but it had a nice atmosphere and great food. Sam ordered a salad, a cheeseburger with extra onions, a bottle of water and a coke. He debated before ordering a slice of apple pie as well. He grabbed the food and took off back for the motel. When he got back Dean was still immersed in the same book, but was a good chunk farther. Sam suddenly remembered the EMF. Dean was seriously smart, but he was about as open about it as a clam.

"You ganna come eat?" Sam asked as Dean had yet to move.

"Probably not." Sam raised his eyebrows.

"Dean come here and eat before I shove this burger down your throat." Dean sighed and closed the book.

"Fine." He trudged over to the table and sat down in front of the burger and coke. They ate in silence for a while, before Sam decided to talk.

"Can I see your EMF?" Dean shot him a glare, but his eyes were more wary than anything.

"Ok." Dean wiped his hands and reached into his duffle to pull out the EMF. He handed it to Sam and then immediately went back to his burger. Sam scanned the EMF with interest. He had no idea how to do any of what Dean had done, but he was still very impressed by the ingenuity. The EMF looked like a busted up Walkman so it wouldn't draw attention, but apparently it worked like a charm too. Sam smiled. He was really and truly proud of his little brother.

"This is really amazing Dean." Sam said aloud. Dean looked up from his burger with confusion written all over his face. It made Sam's heart hurt.

"What?"

"This, the EMF, it's really impressive."

"Really?" Sam tried to keep the pity out of his eyes. The fact that Dean was so shocked to receive any praise for something that was so complicated and impressive was heart wrenching.

"Yeah, really. Seriously, it takes skill to take something apart and build something else from it. Something that works. I'm proud of you Dean." Dean truly looked like he'd just won a million dollars. His eyes lit up, and a smile split his face. An honest to God smile, like the one Sam had seen back in the warehouse. A smile Sam wanted to see more often.

"Thanks Sam." Dean muttered, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment. Sam smiled back at him.

"You're welcome Dean. That reminds me, I got this for you." Sam grabbed the bag from the diner and pulled out the pie. Dean's happiness seemed to double and for a moment Sam forgot it all. Forgot Dean's abandonment, forgot college, forgot Jessica and their Dad and Mary, forgot the demon killing people by crashing planes, forgot everything except that look of pure unadulterated happiness. His big brother had just praised his work and he'd gotten a slice of pie and that was all it took to give Dean the look of the happiest man on Earth. It was such a simple thing but it obviously meant the world to Dean.

Sam let him finish his pie and when Dean was done he went back to the book he'd been absorbed in earlier, the happy smile still present on his young face.

It was another hour and a half before Sam found what he was looking for.

"So every religion in every world culture has the concept of demons and demonic possession, right? I mean Christian, Native American, Hindu; you name it." He started.

"Yeah, but none of them describe anything like this." Dean reminded him.

"Well that's not exactly true. You see according to Japanese beliefs certain demons are behind certain disasters, both natural and man-made. One causes earthquakes another causes disease."

"And this one causes plane crashes?" Dean asked, a skeptical look on his face. Sam shrugged and Dean sighed. They both knew it was the best answer they were likely to get.

"All right, so, what? We have a demon that's evolved with the times and found a way to ratchet up the body count?" Dean asked, walking over to the table again. Sam glanced back at the computer screen.

"Yeah. You know, who knows how many planes it's brought down before this one?" Sam asked, still studying the screen. Dean scoffed and turned around.

"What?" Sam asked finally looking up at his little brother. Dean turned back around, his hand running through his sandy blonde hair.

"I don't know man, this isn't our normal gig. I mean, demons, they don't want anything- just death and destruction for its own sake. This is big. I just… I wish Dad was here." Dean looked at the ground and Sam's heart broke for his little brother. He knew how Dean was feeling. He was feeling helpless, like he wasn't ready for something that big. Neither of the brothers had ever tangled with a demon before, at least not to Sam's knowledge. That was one thing their father hadn't let them near. Now Dean was freaked out because it was their first hunt with a demon and their Dad wasn't there. All of Sam's instincts were telling him to take Dean and high tail it out of the state, and not come back until their Dad was at their side.

"Yeah, me too."

Dean's phone started to ring and when he picked up it was Jerry. Sam listened to Dean's end of the conversation with growing trepidation. Finally Dean hung up with an intense frown on his face.

"Another crash?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, let's go."

"Where?"

"Nazareth." Sam wanted to laugh at the irony, because a demon crashing a plane in Nazareth? That was just a little too much.

SPN

They drove to the crash and Sam cut off a piece of the plane where there was yellow dust. They then headed back to Jerry's office and discovered that yes, it was sulfur. Sam researched the newest crash and the other crash while Dean and Jerry worked with the sulfur, and discovered that both planes went down 40 minutes into flight. Obviously. The number 40 did mean death after all. Sam had then looked at the records and there had been six plane crashes in the last decade that had crashed 40 minutes in. The only difference between those crashes and flight 2485? There had been no survivors, on flight 2485 there had been seven. Dean's train of thought confirmed Sam's. The demon was going after all the survivors.

As they left Jerry's office Sam called the survivors and gave each of them a fake survey. Five of the six living survivors had no intention of flying any time soon, the only one who was planning on flying again was Amanda Walker, a flight attendant. They had a five or six hour drive ahead of them if they wanted to make it to where Amanda's flight was leaving from. Sam was sure they'd never make it, but Dean floored the Impala and they made it in just over 4 hours, just in time.

They ran into the airport and scanned the flight schedule. Amanda's flight was boarding in 30 minutes. Dean found the nearest phone and called Amanda. He pretended to be what appeared to Sam to be her ex-boyfriend's friend, but it didn't stop her from flying.

"Dammit! So close." Dean snapped. Sam saw only one option left. They had to get on the plane and keep it from crashing however they could. Which meant exercising the demon in the middle of the plane. It wasn't a good plan by any means, but it was the only one they had left.

"All right. It's time for plan B. We're getting on that plane." Sam said. Dean stared at him for a second, looking completely flustered. He held up his hand.

"Now just hold on a second." Dean said, his green eyes seeming impossibly huge.

"Dean, that plane is leaving with over 100 passengers on board, and if we're right that plane is going to crash."

"I know." Dean said, his eyes wide and distressed. Sam still wasn't picking up on his brother's obvious distress.

"Well okay, then we're getting on the plane. We need to find that demon and exercise it. Look, I'll get the tickets, you just go get whatever you can out of the trunk; whatever will make it through security. Meet me back here in five minutes." Sam said. He was about to take off, but Dean still hadn't moved.

"Are you okay?" Sam asked, now slightly worried by Dean's resistance.

"No, not really." Sam's brain immediately started working triple time. Something was wrong with his little brother, something he hadn't noticed. He mentally started going back through that day to try and figure out what had happened. Was Dean hurt? Did he see something? Sam's brain worked over time to figure it out while his mouth kept talking.

"What? What's wrong?" He asked; his voice soaked with worry.

"Well, I kind of have this problem with, uh…" Dean trailed off and motioned towards the airport.

"Flying?" Sam asked in complete disbelief.

"It's never really been an issue until now!" Dean snapped, but his voice wavered and his eyes were fearful.

"You're joking, right?"

"Do I look like I'm joking? Why do you think I drive everywhere Sam?" Dean shout-whispered. Sam stared at his little brother in disbelief. There were two thoughts blaring out in big neon lights in his brain. The first one was; how the hell are we going to do this? The second was; how did I not know that? The second of the two was what was really getting to Sam. Dean was seemingly scared of nothing. Not ghosts, werewolves, demons, nothing. There were dozens of things that went bump in the night that Dean faced nearly every day with a smile on his face and a shotgun in his hand, but this? How did Sam not know the one thing his little brother was scared of? How could he not? He'd looked after Dean for fifteen years and he knew a lot about Dean. He knew how Dean may not ask for it but he always liked his burgers with extra onions. He knew what Dean's first hunt was and could point out the scar he'd gotten from it even though it was eight years ago. Sam had thought he knew a lot about his little brother, but with this revelation he realized he knew nothing, nothing of importance anyway. He'd come on this hunt with no idea that flying scared the shit out of Dean, and now with 25 minutes to go he was faced with a scared shitless little brother, and a demon about to crash a plane. Sam realized that it was a really bad time for an epiphany, but he had one right then and there. He needed to learn more about Dean. Of course he'd been meaning to, but now his lack of knowledge about his little brother was actually causing a massive problem with the hunt. If he'd known beforehand he could have planned for something like this. He could have planned out this worst case scenario and saved his little brother the fear that was no doubt plaguing him at the prospect of having to get on that plane.

Instead Sam could only think of a half-assed last second back up plan that Dean totally wouldn't go for.

"All right. Uh… I'll go."

"What?"

"I'll do this one on my own." Sam realized he couldn't have come up with a stupider plan. Yeah sure, face a demon for the first time ever, alone, with no backup, 40,000 feet up in the air in a metal death trap that he knew for a fact was going to crash. It was probably his worst idea to date.

"What are you nuts? You said it yourself, the plane's going to crash!"

"Look Dean, we can do it together, or I can do this one by myself. I'm not seeing a third option here." Sam leaned down so he was eye level with Dean. Dean's eyes were still wide and distressed, but Sam knew he would never let him do it alone. Sam felt horrible for putting Dean through this kind of fear. It was obvious how scared Dean was. Dean admitting to being afraid was bad. It meant he was scared shitless. It meant he was well and truly terrified.

"Come on! Really? Man." Dean grumbled, his voice faltering. He turned around and stalked back to the car, but Sam knew he was just going to get things that would make it past security. Sam went to go buy tickets, and they met back at the phone in five minutes on the dot. The whole way through security Dean was so nervous he was practically shaking. An elderly woman asked him if he was all right and he nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Sorry ma'am, he just doesn't like flying." Sam said as he grabbed Dean's arms to try and calm him down. Dean swallowed hard, but this time the physical contact didn't seem to be helping him at all. It was another reason Sam knew it was bad.

"Oh you poor dear. How longs your flight?" She asked. Amanda's full flight was about six hours long, the flight was only going to be 40 minutes if the plane crashed, but if Sam and Dean could save it it'd be only an hour and twenty minutes as the plane would fly back to the nearest airport, which, forty minutes in, would be the airport it left from.

"Should be about six hours." Sam replied. The woman frowned in sympathy and patted Dean's arm.

"It'll be all right dear, just take a nap. That'll shave off a few hours." Dean didn't respond, just nodded. The woman walked away with sympathy in her eyes and Sam gripped Dean's shoulders.

"Calm down Dean, we're not even on the plane yet." Dean nodded and once again didn't respond.

It got worse on the plane.

When they first boarded Dean lowered himself into the seat carefully, his jaw clenched and his eyes set. He pulled out the safety card and started scanning it. Sam looked at Dean sympathetically as the plane started to roll down the runway.

"Just try to relax."

"Just try to shut up."

Sam reigned in a smile.

Dean was as still as he could possibly get himself and as tense as Sam thought was physically possible for a human being the whole time the plane was on the runway. When it finally lifted off Dean shuddered and closed his eyes. They shot open again when the wheels started to retract. Sam smiled a little, Dean looked ridiculous.

Dean started humming almost immediately and Sam had to listen to the tune for a minute to figure out what it was.

"Are you humming Metallica?" He asked.

"Calms me down." Dean replied and instantly went back to humming. Sam scoffed; it was the weirdest thing he'd ever heard.

"Look man, I get that you're nervous all right? But you gatta stay focused."

"Okay." Dean nodded several times.

"I mean, we've got 32 minutes and counting to track this thing down, or whoever its possessing anyway, and preform a full on exorcism."

"Yeah on a crowded plane, that's ganna be easy."

"Just take it one step at a time, all right?" Sam tried to calm his brother down. He understood that Dean was scared out of his mind, he did, but that didn't change the fact that the real danger was a human being with black eyes and a taste for murder. If he was being honest Dean was doing a great job so far, but it had only been eight minutes.

"Now, who is it possessing?" Sam asked.

"It's usually going to be somebody with a weakness of some sort. You know a chink in the armor the demon can worm through. Somebody with an addiction, or some sort of emotional distress." Dean looked around; probably looking for Amanda. Sam however was mulling over what Dean had said. At the moment Dean and emotional distress went hand in hand. Sam grimaced. Dean was doing okay, but as soon as he let go of the fragile hold he had on his fear the demon could possess him in an instant. Then they would really be screwed.

"Well this is Amanda's first flight after the crash. If I were her I'd be pretty messed up." Sam said when Dean turned back to look at him. Dean nodded. He'd probably been thinking it too. In fact Sam was sure that was how the demon had crashed the other planes. The wife of the first guy to be possessed had told Sam and Dean that her husband had been terrified to fly. His fear (much like Dean's- though Sam was trying to ignore that) had been the chink in his armor that the demon had wormed through. Chuck Lambert, Jerry's pilot friend, had been flying the plane for the first time since he crashed flight 2485. He'd probably been nervous as hell, even if the plane he'd had to fly had been a third the size of 2485. His nerves, his _fear _had been how the demon had gotten in. Sam glanced at Dean one more time. Dean was really trying to keep a lid on it, and he wasn't doing a terrible job either. Sam was proud of his little brother to say the least, but he was also incredibly worried.

"Mm-hmm." Dean muttered, nodding a few times. He asked the first blonde flight attendant he saw if she was Amanda. She wasn't. They concluded that the blonde woman in the back of the plane had to be Amanda.

"All right, well that's got to be Amanda back there, so, I'll go talk to her, and, uh, I'll get a read on her mental state." Dean was breathing heavily. He probably hadn't even realized he was close to hyperventilating, but Sam definitely noticed.

"All right. What if she's already possessed?" Sam asked.

"There's ways to test that. I brought holy water." Dean reached into his bag and pulled out a huge bottle of holy water. Sam wanted to roll his eyes. Instead he just snatched the bottle from Dean's hand and shoved it into his jacket.

"No, I think we can go more subtle. If she's possessed she'll flinch in the name of God."

"Oh, nice." Dean started to get up out of the chair, but Sam stopped him.

"What?"

"Say it in Latin."

"I know."

"Okay." Dean got about a seat down when Sam stopped him again.

"Hey!"

"What?!" Dean was borderline annoyed- Sam could tell.

"In Latin it's Cristo." Dean glared at him.

"Dude I know! I'm not an idiot!" He snapped. Sam started to apologize, but Dean walked away before he could. The plane shifted and Dean stood rigid for a second before slamming a fist down on the seat next to him. Sam grimaced. He'd managed to offend and piss off Dean, _and_ Dean was still freaking out over flying. Sam scrubbed his face with his hands; this hunt was going to end up being a lot harder than it should be. Not that it shouldn't be hard to begin with, it was a demon after all, but Dean's 'emotional distress' was going to cause some problems. Of that much Sam was sure.

He waited for five minutes before Dean practically fell back into his seat with an annoyed look on his face.

"Well she's got to be the well-adjusted person on the planet." He grumbled.

"You said Cristo, and?"

"And there's no demon in her. There's no demon getting in her."

"So if it's on the plane, it can be anyone. Anywhere." That was just great. Suddenly the plane shook violently. Dean gripped the side of his chair with one hand, and Sam's wrist with the other.

"Come on! That can't be normal!" Dean's voice was tense and on the edge. Sam didn't move Dean's hand, just put his own over it and looked Dean in the eyes.

"Hey, hey, it's just a little turbulence." Sam said in his calmest most soothing voice. The voice he usually used with victims whose family or friends had died.

"Sam, this plane is going to crash okay? So quit treating me like I'm friggin four!" Sam held himself back from rolling his eyes. Dean was doing a pretty decent impression of a four year old so he shouldn't have been surprised that that was how Sam was treated him. But at the same time Sam's worry was rising. Dean was getting closer and closer to that edge. Sam could see the wild fear residing in his eyes. He secretly made a vow to never have Dean on a plane ever again.

"You need to calm down."

"Well, I'm sorry, I can't."

"Yes you can."

"Stow the touchy feely self-help yoga crap, it's not working!" Dean snapped. Sam leaned down until he was right in Dean's face. His tone grew serious as he said, "Listen to me, if you panic you're wide open to demonic possession so you need to calm yourself down right now."

Dean's eyes were wide, but he swallowed hard and exhaled slowly. His whole body seemed to deflate and he sunk down in his chair. He let Sam's wrist go and looked away. Sam removed his hand and tried not to sigh in relief.

"Good." Sam scanned Dean once more. He'd stopped his travel down the road to hyperventilation, but he wasn't looking at Sam. Sam wanted desperately to talk to Dean about his fear of flying, but decided the demon was the most pressing matter right then.

"Now I found on exorcism in here that I think is going to work; the ritual romono." Sam went on to explain the different parts of the exorcism. The part that made the demon corporeal and the part that sent it back to hell – permanently.

The next item on their to do list was finding the demon. Dean reached down into his back and pulled out the Walkman/EMF. He got up and started moving up and down the aisles all the while scanning the seats occupants as discretely as possible.

When Dean had scanned all the isles Sam looked over the occupants. Most of them were normal looking, bored, tired, etcetera. There was one older man who had his back toward the window who gave Dean a very creepy and very suggestive smile. Sam immediately grabbed Dean's shoulder and moved him forward. He glared at the man, who in turn just kept staring at Dean. Sam put himself firmly in between the man's line of sight and Dean and glared at him again. Finally the man rolled his eyes then closed them. Sam had a fleeting thought that maybe the creep was their demon, but Dean had already scanned him, and sadly he was just a creep.

When Dean was finally at the front of the plane with no passengers left to scan Sam came up behind him and clamped an arm down on his shoulder. Dean nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Man, don't do that." He said tensely. The stress of the plane and the demon was getting to him.

"Dean, we've got 15 minutes left. We have to have missed somebody." Sam replied; his voice just as tense.

"Maybe the thing's just not on the plane." Dean tried, though his expression told Sam he didn't really believe that. Sam still gave him and incredulous look.

"You believe that?"

"Well I will if you will." Dean replied without missing a beat. Sam just shook his head and turned back to look at the passengers, they had to have missed somebody. Bright red lights suddenly caught Dean's vision, and a rapid beeping told them that the EMF had just picked up the demon. Dean looked up cautiously to see the copilot walk out of the bathroom and into range of the EMF.

"What, what is it?" Sam asked, having just noticed Dean's attention glued to the copilot.

"Cristo." Dean muttered. Sam looked where Dean was looking just in time to notice the copilot's eyes turn completely black. Sam's jaw tensed. Every big brother instinct he'd ever had instilled in him since he was 4 years old suddenly sprang to life; and they were telling him to grab Dean and get the hell away from that thing. Nothing had ever been stronger for Sam. There was a feeling in the air, just from being around it. A feeling of foreboding that set Sam's teeth on edge. He wanted desperately to grab Dean and shove him behind him.

When the copilot shut the door to the cockpit behind him Sam grabbed Dean's wrist and pushed him in front of him. He then led Dean down the aisles, glared at the pervert once more when his eyes fallowed Dean, and then headed back for the seats.

"Sam, we gatta tell Amanda." Dean turned around to look at him. Sam sighed, he'd forgotten there was a reason they were on the plane in the first place. He kept going, his hand on Dean's shoulder the whole way, even though Dean had tried in vain to shake him off several times.

"She's never going to believe us." Sam mused aloud.

"Twelve minutes dude." Dean reminded him. Sam exhaled sharply. The hunt was starting to look like it had the makings of a close call, and Sam didn't like that at all.

They made it to the back of the plane where Dean quickly and bluntly told Amanda that there was something wrong with the plane. It took a minute to convince her, but eventually she conceded. She said there'd been a man on flight 2485 with eyes that were strange. Sam and Dean immediately knew they'd been black. They convinced Amanda to bring the copilot to the back of the plane. She grudgingly agreed and went to get him. They watched her talk to the copilot and when he finally shut the door behind him they started to pull out everything they'd need for the ritual; holy water and John's journal.

"Dean, take down the demon, but don't get yourself too much in its way all right?" Sam asked quickly before Amanda and the copilot showed up. Dean glanced at Sam and smirked.

"Quit worrying Sammy, I'll be fine." Sam wasn't reassured in the slightest.

As soon as the copilot walked in Dean punched him in the face and pinned him down. He put duct tape over his mouth. Amanda, as civilians usually did, started freaking out.

"What the hell are you doing? You said you were just going to talk to him!"

"We _are _going to talk to him!" Dean snapped back, as he tried his best to pin down the bigger, bulkier man who also happened to have a demon inside him. Sam helped Dean out by pouring holy water all over the man's chest. It sizzled and burned holes in both fabric and skin. The wholes quickly bubbled up and started pouring steam. It was cringe worthy, but Sam didn't have any time to spare for sympathy.

"Oh my God! What's wrong with him?!" Amanda shouted. Dean didn't move, so Sam just told her to watch the curtain. It took precious time Sam didn't have to calm her down enough to get her to go, but once she did Sam returned his entire focus to the demon Dean was currently punching in the face.

"Hurry up Sam, I don't know how much longer I can hold him." Dean grunted out. Dean was by no means a small guy. He was six feet tall, muscled from years of training, but he was also still only a teenager. He was still lean and shorter and less thick than the man he was trying to pin down. Not to mention he didn't have the added bonus of a demon hyping up his strength and stamina. Sam recognized that if he didn't hurry his baby brother was in for a world of hurt. Sam poured more holy water on the man and started the incantation. He was half way through the incantation when the demon knocked the holy water out of Sam's hand. The demon shoved Dean into the wall, a lot harder than was probably necessary, and then shoved Sam away. Sam's head hit wall. He was dazed for a moment, but when his vision cleared he saw Dean straddling the man once more, trying as hard as he could to pin the possessed man down under him. He wasn't doing so well, but Sam had to commemorate his stamina. Sam immediately started the exorcism again, and when Dean got shoved into a wall again, he didn't stop.

The demon ripped off the tape and shouted at Sam, "I know what happened to your girlfriend! She must have died screaming! Even now she's burning!" And suddenly Sam couldn't move, he was completely frozen, but he thanked God that Dean could. Dean sloppily got up and punched the demon again. He regained his place on top of the demon, and held it down to the best of his ability.

"Sam!" He snapped. Sam immediately started the exorcism again. He finished the last few lines, then threw the book down and helped Dean hold down the demon. Together their combined strength could have pinned him down, but it didn't matter. Black smoke poured from the copilot's mouth as the demon was expelled from his body. When the demon was gone, the copilot slumped under Dean, he was unconscious. The black smoke slipped into the air vent, and Sam knew they were out of time.

"Where'd he go?" Dean asked, his unfocused eyes staring at the air vent.

"He's in the plane. We've got to finish this." Sam turned around, but the journal was gone. The demon had kicked it out of the room. Immediately the plane dropped in altitude; they were going to crash. Sam dove through the curtain and searched the ground for the journal, he spotted it under a seat a little ways away. Everybody was screaming and struggling in their seats. Papers and books and other possessions were flying everywhere. Sam tried to block everything out, even when he heard Dean start to scream. He didn't think about Dean; he couldn't. His sole thought was getting the journal back in his hands, and finishing the exorcism. He grabbed the journal, ripped open the page and started shouting the Latin exorcism.

When he finished the last line an electric shock went through the plane and everything stopped at once. The engine stabilized as the pilot regained control of the plane and leveled it, people stopped screaming, and things stopped flying all over the place. Sam stood up carefully and looked around. Nobody seemed to be hurt. He turned back to look at the curtain, but noticed Dean wasn't there. Sam was immediately alarmed. He ripped back the curtain and looked for Dean. Dean was pinned to a corner of the small room. His arms and legs were spread wide, and the look in his wide green eyes was one of complete and utter terror. As soon as Sam entered the room however he could see his younger brother's walls come down, keeping the fear from showing. Sam went to his brother anyway. He gripped Dean's shoulders and looked him over. Dean, like Sam, hadn't been in a seat when the plane had dropped but he also hadn't been on the floor with seat's to hold onto, like Sam, which meant he'd probably been thrown around the room and had been slammed into more than a couple walls. Dean's eyes were glazed, and he was blinking hard, but Sam was pretty sure he wasn't concussed. There weren't any bruises on his face, but Sam knew there'd be some on his torso. He'd _seen_ the demon throw Dean into wall three times, add to that the number of times the plane had probably knocked him around and Sam was sure Dean's back and sides had some bruising at least. Sam checked Dean's head next. As he'd suspected there was a sizable bump on the back of Dean's head, but at least it wasn't bleeding. Once Sam was satisfied that Dean would survive the rest of the ride back to the airport he let go of Dean.

"Come on, let's get back to our seats." Dean nodded solemnly and followed Sam back to their seats. Sam didn't care what order they were sitting in before, he just shoved Dean into the seat closer to the window and Sam sat in the one on the isle, protecting Dean from everyone and everything else on that plane.

"Everybody, this is your pilot speaking, we have stabilized the engines and are on route to the closest airport, which would be the one we left from. We are sorry for the inconvenience, but the engines have been stabilized and this plane will not be crashing any time soon." Sam sighed and looked at Dean. He was breathing shallowly and quickly. Sam recognized the early signs of a panic attack when he saw one. He immediately held Dean and started rubbing his shoulder.

"Calm down Dean, its okay. It's all right. Just breathe Dean. I've got you little brother, it'll be okay. We stopped the demon, the plane isn't going to crash, got it? You're safe. I won't let anything happen to you." Sam continued on the soothing mantra of calming words until Dean was breathing right again. Dean didn't say anything for a while and Sam resigned himself to reading John's journal again. He was reviewing all of the information on demon's and the exorcism he'd just preformed. Finally Dean spoke up.

"Sorry."

"What?"

"I said 'm sorry."

Sam stared at Dean for a minute. He had no idea why Dean was apologizing for being scared of something.

"Why?" Dean looked down at his lap; his hands were once again fiddling in that same nervous fashion Sam had started to grow accustomed to.

"Because I freaked out. It was probably pretty inconvenient considering the circumstances." Dean muttered to his hands. Sam just stared back at Dean. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Dean's fear was nothing to be sorry for; if anything it should be Sam apologizing to Dean for putting him in that situation in the first place.

"It's all right Dean. You shouldn't have had to be on this stupid plane in the first place. I should have known you're scared to fly." Sam replied. Dean looked at him with weary eyes.

"It's not your fault Sam, you didn't know."

"I know, that's my point. How come I didn't know? How long have you been scared to fly?" Sam asked. Dean seemed to mull it over. It took him a few minutes to respond.

"I'm not sure how long I've been afraid to fly honestly. I've never really been a fan of heights in general, but the flying thing, that's new I guess. I mean I'd never been on a plane until after you left." Dean seemed caught in the past suddenly, and Sam saw him shiver. Dean opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by the pilot coming back on the radio telling them they'd be landing in just under 10 minutes.

"I'll tell you later." Dean said instead.

SPN

When they got back to the airport the police wanted to check them over. Sam took one look at Dean and knew that wasn't going to work. They pretended to be fine and were about to leave when Amanda mouthed thank you to them. They nodded to her and turned to leave. Now that they were on solid ground and not having to worry about Dean's fear of flying or any murderous demons Sam's mind drifted to what the demon had said about Jessica. He'd known she'd burned. He'd known how she'd died. Sam was unnerved to say the least.

"Let's get out of here." Dean said, the tension seeming to leak from his body more and more with every step they took away from Gate 13.

"You okay?" Dean asked. Sam knew it was his way of repayment for the mini counselor session on the plane (a conversation Sam still wasn't finished with). Sam also knew he was talking about what the demon had said about Jessica. Sam stopped walking and turned to Dean.

"Dean, it knew about Jessica."

"Sam these things, they read minds. They lie. All right? That's all it was." Dean's eyes were earnest, but he sounded a little unsure. Sam couldn't blame him, _he _was still unsure. Very unsure.

"Yeah." Sam saw Dean was suddenly hesitant. He wanted to leave, but he wasn't sure whether or not Sam wanted to keep talking.

"Come on. Let's get out of here." Sam said. He grasped Dean's shoulder firmly and steered him towards the exit. He let go and Dean started walking out. Sam scanned the airport one last time before following Dean out.

SPN

"Nobody knows what you guys did, but I do. A lot of people could have been killed. Your Dad's ganna be real proud." Jerry said solemnly. He shook Sam's hand firmly and Sam gave him a half smile.

"We'll see you around Jerry." Sam replied. Jerry then shook hands with Dean. They'd said their goodbyes and were about to leave when Dean turned back.

"You know Jerry,"

"Yeah?"

"I meant to ask, how did you get my cell phone number anyway? I've only had it for like six months."

"Your Dad gave it to me." Both brothers went shock still at the words. Sam immediately questioned Jerry.

"What? When did you talk to him?" He asked.

"I didn't exactly talk to him, but I called his number. His voice message said to give you a call Dean. Thanks again guys." Then Jerry turned around and walked away. Sam turned to face Dean. Dean's face was a stoic mask void of all emotion. Sam found it a little disturbing.

The next thing they did was drive away from the airport in silence. Then they stopped the car in the middle of the road, and Dean took out his phone. They sat on the Impala's trunk and Dean dialed John's number.

"This doesn't make any sense man. I've called Dad's number like 50 times. It's been out of service." Sam said once Dean started typing. Dean ignored him and held the phone up to his ear anyway. After a second he leaned over and Sam leaned in. Then he heard it; the voicemail.

"_This is John Winchester. I can't be reached. If this is an emergency, call my son, Dean; 785-555-0179. He can help."_

John Winchester's voice filtered through the speakers and it pissed Sam the hell off. The first time he'd heard his father's voice in 3 years had been in a voicemail saying that if someone was in need of help to call Dean. It completely neglected to say anything about Sam. Sam knew his anger about this was irrational and juvenile, but he couldn't help it. Even the mention of John Winchester pissed him off these days. Actually hearing the man just made him plain and simple angry as hell.

His jaw tensed and after a few seconds he got off the car and walked over to the passenger side door. He opened the door, got in the Impala, and slammed the door behind him. Dean got in a few seconds later. He started to the car and they drove in silence toward the motel they'd been staying at. As soon as they got to their room Dean went to the bathroom and shut the door. Sam didn't think anything of it. His mind was otherwise occupied with things like John's voicemail and what the demon had said about Jess. It was so occupied that it wasn't until 30 minutes later that he realized Dean had been in the bathroom way too long. In fact Sam had completely packed their stuff before he realized Dean still had yet to come out of the bathroom. Instantly he was worried. He went to the bathroom and knocked on the door.

"Dean, you all right?" He waited for a moment for Dean's reply. When it came it was breathy and in pain.

"Yeah Sam, I'm good." Sam didn't believe that for a second. He opened the door to find Dean shirtless and standing in front of the mirror trying to wrap his chest. There was pain written in the lines on his forehead, and the wrapping was sloppy.

"C'mon Sammy, I know I look good an' all, but privacy's still a thing you know." Sam sighed.

"Dammit Dean, why didn't you tell me? Cracked or broken?" He asked, immediately taking the bandages from Dean and unwrapping his poorly wrapped ribs.

"Just cracked. It's only a couple, I'll be fine." Sam grimaced. There was a colorful mosaic of bruising on Dean's torso. He seemed to be just one big bruise. Sam started to wrap the ribs properly. He wrapped them as tightly as he dared, and only stopped with Dean's shout of pain.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sam asked again. Dean didn't look at him.

"I didn't want to make you worry. You already have enough to deal with, I didn't want you to have to worry about something else. Besides, it doesn't matter, it's not even that bad. Sam frowned. If that was Dean's version of 'not even bad' then he did not want to see Dean's version of 'bad'. Besides, what was with the 'it doesn't matter' shit? Sam seriously didn't know whether to punch Dean in the mouth or John. Why did Dean keep downplaying injuries? Surely he hadn't been that way three years ago? Had he?

"Dean, don't say that. Of course it matters. You're my little brother, I need to know when you're hurt. It's my job to take care of you Dean. If you get hurt that's on me, and I need to fix it. Next time you're hurt, you tell me, understand?" Dean nodded hesitantly. "And another thing, it doesn't matter what's going on, I will _always _have time for you, all right little brother? Always." Dean nodded again, less hesitant, but still reserved.

"Got it. Thanks Sam." Sam smiled.

"You're welcome Dean." He finished wrapping Dean's ribs with a twinge of anger. Anger at himself of course. How could he have not remembered Dean was hurt? He'd been so attentive lately, and he just forgot the fact that Dean had been thrown into several walls several times over the course of the hunt. He couldn't believe Dean had held on like that all the way back. He'd had cracked ribs on the return trip. That entire bumpy flight back and the even worse landing. Not to mention the drive back to the motel. Then he'd tried for half an hour to wrap the cracked ribs and hadn't been able to do it. He'd probably been in so much pain for ignoring the ribs for over two hours that he couldn't even do it. Sam wanted to punch himself multiple times. Dean was his little brother, his responsibility. He was supposed to know when Dean was hurt dammit. Sam silently swore never to let it happen again.

"All right, you're good. Want me to drive so you can get some rest?" He asked. Dean looked utterly relieved.

"Sure. But one thing?"

"What?" Dean pulled on his shirt and grinned at Sam.

"You scratch my baby and there's ganna be hell to pay."

When he finally walked out of the bathroom Sam was still laughing.

SPN

When they were finally back in the car an on their way out of the state Sam turned to Dean, who was listing in the passenger seat. He had one question before Dean went to sleep.

"Dean, why are you scared of flying?" He asked innocently enough. Dean opened his eyes and looked out the window for a little bit. Then he turned to face Sam.

"I think it was a year and a half after you left. Dad wanted me to go to Georgia to help Caleb out with a hunt. You remember Caleb right?" Sam nodded. "Right, well, this hunt, it was a poltergeist too. It was one dangerous son of a bitch. Dad was laid up and couldn't go. He was there for two weeks, longest I'd seen him since you left. So anyway Caleb and I would have to deal with it by ourselves. Problem was Dad and I were in Arizona at the time, and Caleb was literally on the other side of the country with no one else who could help and a pissed off ghost that needed to be killed ASAP. Dad said I'd have to fly over. It wasn't too long. Six or seven hour flight I think. But I was alone and I'd never ridden a plane before, and I figured out about ten seconds after the plane started to move that I was scared shitless. I made it to Caleb in time and we took out the thing, but that plane ride was horrible. I was by the window seat and the lady next to me had to have it open. Something with her eyes, I don't know. But I kept looking out the window and I kept seeing nothing but air and clouds. I think I threw up at least twice on that plane. When I finally landed Caleb and I took care of the thing and then I had to fly back 'cause Dad wanted me back in time for the beginning of the school week. The flight back wasn't as bad because I got the aisle seat, but it still sucked major ass." Dean finished his story with a shiver. Sam grimaced.

"Did Dad know you were afraid to fly?" Dean shook his head.

"No, I mean, not even I knew at first. I did call to tell him that flying freaked me out before I made the return trip. He told me to suck it up and get on the plane. I argued with him, but it was pointless, you know how he his." Sam stared at Dean.

"You argued with him?" Dean suddenly looked very uncomfortable.

"Well yeah, I was scared shitless of that thing." Sam's frown deepened. If Dean argued with the all mighty John Winchester over something, then it definitely scared the crap out of him. Sam suddenly felt ten times guiltier than he had five minutes ago.

"That sounds pretty sucky. I can't believe Dad didn't go with you. You were still a minor though. Aren't you required to have a guardian of some kind?" Sam asked. Dean nodded.

"Yeah you're supposed to if you're a minor, but Dad didn't want to pay for it so I got a fake ID that said I was eighteen and went on it alone." Sam wanted to punch John in the face, again (real shocker there). Once again Dean had been forced to do something alone. It wasn't as bad as half of the things Sam had heard about or just assumed about his little brother's life, but it was bad in its own right. Dean was still a kid who'd been sent on a dangerous, life threatening hunt across the country from his father with only a man they sort of knew but trusted to back him up. Sam hated how Dean had been raised while he was gone. He shook his head. Raised wasn't the right word. During those three years Dean had raised himself. He'd fed himself when he could, he'd paid his own rent, he'd gotten himself to school. He'd been living alone since he was fifteen, and it wasn't right. Not in any way.

Sam was pissed as hell about that, but he was also pissed at this new discrepancy on John Winchester's not so great paternal resume. John had sent Dean in a plane across the country. A plane; Dean's one and only fear. It was not only pretty horrible parenting, but it was also just mean. There were no other words for it. Of course at the time no one had known Dean was scared of flying, at least not until the return trip. But once John knew his son was scared he should have let him stay away from the plane and just had Caleb drive Dean back, but of course he didn't do that. Sam sighed.

"Man I'm so sorry you had to be on that plane. I'm also sorry I didn't know. I know you say it doesn't matter, but I'm your older brother Dean. I should have known. It's my job to look after you and I didn't do that. I'm really sorry Dean." Sam looked at Dean with earnest eyes. He knew Dean would forgive him, and it was slightly infuriating to know that whatever he did, his little brother would forgive him, but it was also nice. Especially when Dean gave him that thousand watt smile like he was right then and said,

"It's all right Sammy. I'm good." Sam smiled slightly. He didn't know what he did to have Dean in his life, but Sam knew he didn't deserve him.

SPN

Guys, I am so sorry this one took forever. Originally I had excuses, like I started softball then got stomach flu (which I did and it was horrible), but this past week I've just been a lazy bum. So I decided to sit down and finish this chapter, and thank God I did. Also, I plan on getting at least one more chapter done before Christmas, then having a little break for maybe two weeks tops, and then posting another chapter. If all goes well that should work out.

Thanks for reading and don't forget to review!


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